The Terrible Rotten No Good Week

This week started off strange. You know when you just get a feeling that things aren’t right but you can’t put your finger on it. Well this was my week for that. I had my own problems as well.

The week started off as any other week. I had troubles at work and you know I realized I do not want to work in the family business for the rest of my life and I want to move out and in with some friends by January. So this has been a fun week, but wait it gets better!

I talked to a guy I know online, a good guy, we’ve known each other off and on for about 5 years or so. He told me his best friend committed suicide a few weeks back. He was doing a lot better then I would, if mine would have done that. He talked to me and I just listened, he’s a great guy and you know you just wanted to hug him. I won’t go into detail about what he said but this really wasn’t good. I need to cal him today and see how he’s doing. I think I’m one of the first people he talked too about it. You gotta be there for people, and I think it does a world of good knowing someone is there even if you can’t do much to help, a hug goes a long way.

That was one, well they say it happens in three, and well here goes number two. I went to a meeting at school last night and I got to the room early and it was locked so I brought out my laptop, and got online to chat and kill time. One other friend who I’ve known for about 7 years told me he got diagnosed with cancer yesterday. I asked him, before I found out, “How are you” and he said “I’ve been better” and that’s not a usual response. So I asked what was wrong and he told me, he doesn’t know much about it but they have a lot more tests to do and hopefully they caught it early and he’ll be ok. He lives near me and I will do what I can for him and his family is here too so that’s good as well.

Lastly, another friend told me they had a big meeting, and two VP’s that work there were asked to resign, and they are doing away with the product line he works on. So he maybe out in the street looking for a job soon. Luckily he just got a lead on a much better job and I hope it works out. This was out of the blue, just sorta like you get hit upside the head with a baseball bat.

What a week. This week totally sucked. I had a feeling from the beginning of the week, something is off. I didn’t really pay it any attention. OH, before I forgot, I almost got hit twice yesterday, once was going up the parking lot ramp, one of those circular ramps, well I was going all the way to the top, only place to park on Tues/Thurs, when I go to class. And this guy pulled right out of one of the floors and swear he was only inches from my fender. Then looked at me like I was crazy. GRRRR and the next is my light turned green, I turned left on a road, and a car was stopped at the right light, and proceeded to do a u-turn right in front of me. I swear, if it were legal I would have run them off the road.

The weekend is here, we’re supposed to start fall league softball this weekend but they said it may rain, like last spring season we didn’t’ get enough rain. Jesh! I think it will be fun, very laid back and I hope I can improve some skills.

I just need to grab a 12 pack and relax! But I think that won’ happen either since I haven’t been paid in a month. Why is it when you need a drink or a few drinks or OK a lot of drinks you never have money to buy them? It’s gotta be some cruel sick joke!

Oh well, I’ll post the hotties of the week later tonight. I have the pics already picked out, just narrowing it down, I think I’ll post two a week rather then one pic. Let me know what you guys think or if you want to be my hottie of the week, send me a pic! I’ll add some info about you and an email link.

Have a great weekend and I’ll write over the weekend.

I met the MAN

Last night I met J2’s man. Ok I know you prob thought I meant I met a man, nope sorry not happening today. His man, is nice and seems like a great guy. He wasn’t feeling very well last night, but he made a point to come out and meet me. Which I give him credit for that, J2 said he wasn’t himself. Which is cool, and they do make a good couple. They will be together for a while. I won’ go into any more detail because J2 will kill me, and he reads this regularly! I could say… nah I better not.

We ate at the Buckhead Diner here, which J2 got mixed up for another diner. It was a little more then I wanted to spend but wasn’t bad. The waiter was a little snotty, and it’s a higher class, for a lack of better term, place then I will usually go to just for a regular meal. Don’t get me wrong I’m not intimidated but I’m laid back and usually like the same kind of place to eat at. One thing about dinner with J2 and me is everywhere we’ve been lately has been with valet parking, and I hate valet parking. Just a waste of money. So we’re going to research before dinner. And J2, the bet is on! LOL (Inside joke)

As for a man for me. Well I haven’t really looked for operation date night. But I need to get on that. Dating to me just sucks. It’s always you can’t be 100% honest on the date, you have to hold things back at the beginning. I’m the kind where I just want to lay the cards on the table and say “hey this is me.” I guess that’s too much for some people to handle. Plus I’m a big smart ass so that comes into play too. But most of the time I’m really shy, believe it or not. A lot of people over the years say they thought I had attitude, but I don’t, I swear! I gotta do something about that.

Ok, I’m going to tell you people one of my dreams. I’ve been debating telling this but I say, heck I’ve told everything else, just about. I want to do stand up comedy. Yes, I think I’d do good at it. They offer a class here in ATL and I’m going to take it. I just need help doing a routine. Friends have said I needed to do it for a while and I think I will very soon!

Well I don’t know what else to say today. Just wanted to do a quick update. Keep those comments a commin’ and keep reading and tell your friends!

Cya, have a great one

The Orange Undies and Shyness

OK, first things first. Over the weekend I was hanging out with my friends and I went without undies, I know an occasional occurrence for me. But this day it was driving me crazy. So we went to Target, and of course I’ve already mentioned they have the undies on clearance, and was going to get some. But what did I see? Well they had the same kind of undies but in bright orange! YES, I couldn’t believe it; about time we got some color in undies besides black, grey and white. So you know I had to get them. They are pretty darn cool. They have redone their undies and I say GO TARGET! Good inexpensive undies.

OK, now to the main reason of the post today. I had another of those eureka moments over the weekend. When I go out and do stuff around people I don’t know, I’m pretty quite and keep to myself. I kept wondering what was up with going out? Why didn’t meet people like J and a few other people? While chatting online with a guy I realized, I just get very shy around people I don’t know. I know which is ironic since I type all this stuff on my blog. But like I’ve said it’s something of anonymity for me, since a lot of people don’t know me and some of my friends have just started to read it too. But this shyness is something I have to deal with and get over. I have to learn to be myself and not worry about what others think. I’m just going to have to get out there and talk and not be so introverted. I am not when I go out with friends, but when I’m out with one friend, and a bunch of new people I am. I guess, I need to find out how to get over this and get out there. I guess a lot of guys think I have attitude, which I don’t. I guess this is something I need to investigate and figure out what a good game plan is. If anyone out there has identified this problem and can give me some advice, email me and let’s talk. I wish I had one of my long posts but I’m just not sure what to say. I think a lot of my problems will be solved when I’m able to move out and start living my life. Good news from this front is I have a place to move out too, just have to get a job that I can afford my bills and necessities of life.

One other thing, I think its time to resurrect my culture night. (See my previous post). I’m starting to meet more people and think it would be something great to do. I’ll let you know when and how culture nights go.

BTW, I've had too many spam comments so I had to turn on the word verification feature. So if you leave a comment you have to type in the funky word that is listed above, I didn't want to do this but I've gotten tired of deleting about 7 comments a week. Hope this doesn't make you stop posting comments. Please post, I'd love to hear from you!

Hot guy of the Week #1

OK here ya go. Nothing says me like hot frat boys in speedos. Or, heck for that matter str8 boys in speedos. This is a hot pic. Yeah I may not date them but I'll post them.




Ok This pic is good too. I like the beefy boy on the right better but hey. A hot guy is a hot guy.

In the weeks to come I'll post a variety of guys. Some twink, some beefy, some avg guys. Keep coming back for more

Thanks guys

Hot guy of the week!

OK i know I said I would post it starting Friday, well I feel down on the job. I had school stuff to do and thre major papers to do. Tomorrow I'll post the guy tomorrow! hope you enjoy this feature! I need to get more traffic. LOL

Changes and Friends

As many of you know who are reading this blog, in the last month, there has been a bigger change in the blog and it has gotten more personal. Which I think is a good thing. I know why I do a lot of things I do, and I’m working on changing them. Which is not easy, nor is it an over night change. Right now I have very few friends to hang out with. Mostly it’s my own fault for doing it and I’ve let people go out of my life that would have been incredible friends. For that I will regret, but I can’t dwell on that fact and say, if only. That time has passed, and it’s time to move forward and get more friends and live my best life I can now and be a better person.

One thing about me and friends is I want new friends now! But the process of making friends is not one that happens instantaneously. It takes time and trust and you grow with the person. I guess that’s part of my frustration I’ve written before with J2, he’s one of my few friends and I want to see him and do things but with his schedule and new man it’s not possible. I still get hung up about it but it’s because I don’t have many other people to hang out with.

The main reason for this is School. This has become the foremost priority in my life. I have been going forever and I hopefully graduate in May of 2006. I’ve had group projects, papers and tests to do and frankly it’s getting me burned out right now. I wish I had time to just go out and hang out but I don’t. School has its trade offs and everyone says it will pay off in the long run but I want a life now. It will be so great to be able to just go out and do what I want when I want after I graduate. I’ve had people I met get frustrated because of me and my studying. Well, I gave it up for a man last time and I’m not doing it again. Most of my friends now what the deal is and respect that. Two new friends T&P, are really understanding. So, I can’t say school is the main reason why I haven’t gotten out there. I haven’t gotten out there because I had such low self esteem was not a fun person to be around. I think that is changing and will continue to change.

Ok, enough of the downer stuff. What kind of friends am I looking for? Well I want guys who are laid back, easy going and just nice guys. The guy next-door types. I’d love to find guys into golf, but I know that won’ be easy. But I want to get a great group of friends together to go to Braves games, camping, hiking, rafting, golfing, and just hang out. I’d love to grill out with friends in the summer, hang out drink some beer and talk. I don’t want guys who go out all the time. I like to go out occasionally but every weekend is way too much.

I also want guys who like road trips and going somewhere spontaneously. Or for that matter just call me up and say, “Hey let’s go to dinner or a movie” on a weeknight. I know it’s hard to find easy going laid back guys in the gay world. I don’t know why. I’m really tired of the typical gay club guys. You have to wear the right clothes, go to the right clubs, drive the right car, have the right job and all that. I don’t care about any of that, well maybe except the undies they wear LOL, but as long as you’re a good guy I don’t care what you do. For work I look at it this way you gotta do what you gotta do, so I never fault anyone for a job they have or second job, I have more respect for a guy who will do what he has to do, rather then one that refuses to get a job because it’s beneath him. It shows he has character and is a good person.

If you’re in the Atlanta area, or TN, AL, SC or NC, ah heck, anywhere actually, send me an email and say howdy. I’d love to make friends all over. When I get out of school I want to travel some. I wouldn’t mind meeting some guys off line and be friends with in anywhere in the world. Hey what’s the worst that will happen? You could have me as a friend.

Thanks again guys!

FORE! I played a few holes last night

OK, get your mind out of the gutter, not those kind, but golf. I had my final lesson last night and we played 3 holes. Was fun. The first hole I teed off really well, knocked it str8 down the course and not quite to the fairway. But it was a nice shot. Then the next few times I did it it sucked. LOL, gonna take a lot of practice.

The other times I teed off, I didn’t do so well. Or using the irons on the course, but the last hole I did hit it up the short hill to the green pretty good with my pitching wedge. I was happy. I just need to relax and have fun. So where are the gay guys into golf?????? If you’re a gay golfer say howdy!

Life took a turn yesterday, and I’m taking it surprisingly well or I’m in total denial. I work with family and something’s are tight with money and I haven’t been getting paid. Thank god for student loans, and tonight I find out if I have to drop my class or not and I’m really ok with it. I have grown some. Before I’d be freaking out, But it’s all good.

I also have had more friends read my blog and that really makes me happy. I hope more read it and hope that more do and others. I have decided to do something fun and just to gain traffic, do a hot man of the week. Or hot guy of the week. Every week post a pic of some hottie that does it for me. I’m not going to do just the typical smooth muscle twink. I’m going to mix things up. I like the way that Muscleboy in training does his. I got the idea from him, but plan to do it weekly and do all kinds of guys.

I am trying to get the traffic and more people reading. Post comments PLEASE, let me know what I’m doing right! Or wrong or just to find out more about me. Email me too. I did something too today that I shouldn’t have done. I got more Target undies, they rock and some BodyGlove boxer briefs, yeah I know I hate them but these rock, they are just like I like them tight and holds everything in place.

Well check back often and soon, I play to post a few times a week

Have a great one!

Hey Remeber Me?

You know there at days when something you thought you dealt with just comes back like a freight train. Yesterday was that day, it happened while talking to J2 were talking and I won’t go into what it was about, but the conversation was pretty innocent enough, but after it was over it really got me thinking of why I have been doing things in my life and how I could improve them.

We all know we’ve done stuff wrong, every one does, but it’s how you fix it that makes you the person you are. I’ve put off fixing a lot in my life; I used to be and sometimes still am, of the school, if I ignore it, it will go away. Which is never the case and it usually comes knocking on your door a lot later and with much more baggage for a longer stay. That’s what I’ve done with what I thought of yesterday. Things I thought were dealt with and over, are actually not. It was like I was hit with a ton of bricks, at one point while driving to school I almost broke down, I didn’t but I almost did.

I know some of you are thinking why did J2 do that? Well he didn’t do anything other then look out what was best for me. He was being a friend and he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just one of those strange things when having a conversation, it triggers something else. This blog has been great for me to really open up and talk, I hope you enjoy it. You get to see the real side of me, part of it is because for a lot of people reading this, don’t know me and it’s kind of anonymous. The other reason is I have actually started to make major changes in my life and am working on being the best person I can be. It’s not an easy step or one that is done in 5 minutes, but I am building trust with other people and opening up and I’m not as negative as I used to be. So that’s a very good thing. It’s great having a friend like J2 in my life, for the short time I have known him, he has become a key player in my life and will be for sometime to come. Now if I can get him to read the blog! LOL, But he knows most of what’s in here before you guys do. He is the one person that knows more about me then anyone in the world. It’s great to have a friend you can tell the good and bad too and still be there and still be supportive.

Things are good today and I can’t complain, I just gotta stop being so hard on myself and holding me to different standards then everyone else. That’s basically what it boils down too. But hey you can prob tell a difference when I first started the blog and now!

Have a great day

Single Ain't So Bad

Ok, I make no bones about being single, kinda like my new god, Kathy Griffin, makes no bones about her being a D list celebrity, like Kathy I have embarrassed my inner singleness. I think she rocks, but moving on. You know I’m funny, down to earth, laid back, easy going and they don’t call me tripod for nothing! Yes that is true. I have references if you want to know, but don’t ask for pics cause I won’t send them. But What do I want? Well I want a guy who’s very laid back, and easy going. Not stuck in the gay drama scene, I don’t care if he goes out but don’t want the whole, did you see who he went home with last night, I don’t care who sleeps with who as long as he ain’t sleeping with my man. I want a guy who’s fun, and funny and keeps me laughing, there’s no easier way to get to me then laughing. That for me is the biggest turn on.

Ok, as for appearance, everyone goes, you have to be attracted physically before anything happens. That for me is not true. I have met several people and we became friends, and they weren’t Brad Pitt but nice guys and after I got to know them I really liked and though they were handsome. Their insides way out did their physical appearance and that to me is more attractive then the physical.

Hobbies and such. I would love a guy who would go camping, take a cooler of beer and grill out and have a great weekend. Invite a few friends a long and go have fun. In a camp ground near a bathroom! I’d also love a baseball fan, someone to go to games with and hang out. I think going to a Braves game would be an awesome first date.

I need an independent man too. One that has friends and we spend time away from one another and are comfortable with that. I think friends are one of the most important things in life and you have to make time for them. You need time with your friends. I’m not a very jealous person so I’m all about meeting new friends and hanging out.

Lastly, the most important topic, the bedroom. Now if you see me you think isn’t he sweet and cute and very vanilla, well think again! I’ve had my share of men, a friend used to say you’ve been around the block 4 times and stopped a every house twice. Yeah that’s true, in my younger days I was a slut. I admit it, I embarrass the slut I was, but I’m not now but that’ doesn’t’ mean I don’t like to get a little freaky now and then. I think if you have a man you should get freaky as hell in the bedroom, not the same thing time after time. If my bf comes to me and says let’s try this, I’m usually like, LETS GO!

I need to tell some former slut stories, or something here. But I hope this give you a better incite about me.
Have a great one

Underwear Ads

Most of you don’t know I have a unique collection. I collect underwear ads. Yup that’s right ads of undies. It’s no secret that I have a fetish for sexy undies (bikinis, thongs, and the like), Speedos, spandex and sports gear. So about a year ago I was bored on eBay and put in Jim Palmer Jockey Ad, and it came up. Those ads were hours of enjoyment for me in the 80’s. Now I wish I would have cut them out and saved them. I bought a lot of them on Bay aned it’s really cool to have them now. I also collect modern day ads too, the ones today are so sexy. Usually Out, Instinct or one of those has great ads.

So I’ve been doing this about a year and when I get my own place, I’m going to frame some of them an hang them in my office. I have the original CK one of the guy in white briefs leaning back, Jim Palmer, ton of them, and a few other hot ones. But there is a series of ads, well two, by Fruit of the Loom, yup I said it, Fruit of the Loom, of Football players in a locker room and I think another of baseball players. Which I want, every time I’ve big on them on eBay I’ve lost. So I found the football one on a site for 17.99, debating whether to get it. It’s a great ad.

I know some of you out there are wondering why in the world would I collect them. Well as I’ve learned in school, some advertising has become art, and that’s true. There are truly some great ads out there. Some worthy of being framed and hung on the wall. I think that you should do things that improve your home, and I frame postcards and hang them up and just really inexpensive ideas for a change.

If any of you out there see those ads, EMAIL ME RIGHT AWAY, I def want them and it’s not easy finding underwear ads. Wish I would have saved all my old magazines now. Oh well, Just an insight into me. I’ll keep you posted on what I do with the ads, right now they are in a notebook, I personally think it would bed great to hang in an office at home. Now the problem would be if I ever date would the bf let me LOL, especially if we shared an office. HMMMM.

Have a great weekend and don’t do anything I wouldn’t! So that leaves it open.

A drunken phone call

Have you ever had a call from a friend, who was drunk? I know many of you have, and sometimes its like “OMG, could you shut up!” But I got one last night and the friend will remain nameless. But he called me and was like don’t judge me because he was drunk. But you know he’s one of those loving drunk kind, you know the “I love you man!” type. But this person I know has been through so much and was interesting, they really opened up to me with their defenses down and it was great. He said something that really intrigued me and I will ask him about it this weekend, what he meant.

We all go through things in life and need friends. I can tell that there is more then meets the eye. I really hope they open up and tell me what’s going on. I really think they need a friend and I hope I can be that. I know I’ve blabbed a lot on here and my life is changing and I’m seeing some good, but still have a long way to go. But hey I’m working on it!

I took a test in my logistics class last night and OMG I think its’ time to drop the class, I knew nothing at all. And I studied, so I won’t know for sure until Wed of next week. But I still can graduate in May even if I have to take another class.

But that’s it for today and I’m going to go get some golf clubs today, I hope and get a playing, Any gay guys out there into golf, EMAIL ME!

Cya later…..

Shopping and Follow up

Ok, many of you know that I’m big time into undies, Speedos and spandex. Well that’s no secret, but I have to tell you about the buy I got this week. If you’re in the market for undies, I suggest you get to Target ASAP; they are having a clearance on some of their best undies. They sell this kind of microfibre ones, 4.99 a piece, for a bikini/brief, boxers brief and a matching t-shirt. Well the red, blue and green are all on clearance, as well as a grey, for 2.98 a piece, yup you heard me right, that’s dirt cheap, and these are great undies, these are the same ones I mentioned in the stripper blog entry. I bought a few of them, the t-shirts were 6 bucks I think, and not a bad price but I didn’t get any. So check them out.

I also have been invited up to Rivers Edge for a Speedo weekend. The Atlanta Spandex group on yahoo is making a trip up there. I wish the guys in ATL were more into this stuff; no one ever does anything about gear. So I think a few of us are going I’m waiting to hear back, and will write about it when I get back, that is if it happens. Should be fun and I can wear the new ones I bought at the boy next door. I’m not really in Speedo shape but hell there will be people in worse shape then me there naked so, I think I’m just going to go for it.

A follow up to J2, ok I sort of vented on here about things, I sent him a very long and personal email. I apologized for being such a butthead on the phone and things are good, I just didn’t realize how thin he was stretched until we talked. I remember being pulled from all ends when I dated and you reach a point you have to say no. But we had a great conversation and things will progress and he will prob be my best friend. The kind of friend I have been looking for to tell everything too and just be a good friend back too. It’s great having him and like the old saying goes, it’s about communication and you have to do it. I do that with him and we have a good relationship and I think it will grow stronger over the next few months, Hell it feels like I know him for years and it’s been only since July. So that’s a good thing.

I have golf lessons in a few mins, I really have gotten into golf, I think I’ll have a good time at it. I have wanted to learn forever, but the major pain is going to be finding left-handed golf clubs. Cheapest I’ve found are 225 at sports authority, and that was online, I need to go by the store and see if they have any.

Also, softball starts up in two weeks or so, will be great to get back playing, luckily this is a very laid back group and should be fun. I’m batting and catching lefty, so this is a first and we’ll see how that goes.

Nothing else is going on other then just being burned out on school, I have a test tomorrow and I’m so not ready and I so don’t care. But I will come home after golf and study my butt off, we have some sort of problem and I gotta look that over. I just need a vacation and relax for about 4 days. Somewhere on the beach or mountains, but that won’t happen anytime soon. But oh well I’ll hang in there, J2 doesn’t know it but I’m going to suggest a weekend get away soon, me, him, his bf and prob one other person, but we’ll see! If I can pry them apart LOL for a weekend. I’m so bad. Heck I may just go camping by myself one weekend and relax. I need some me time. Don’t’ know where yet. But I’m rambling and I make no sense when I do that. So talk at you later!

YUREKA! I’ve not been a good friend

Well, I figured something out this weekend while driving, yeah that’s where I do most of my thinking. I’ve written about J2 and his new bf and how I’ve been jealous and not spending time with him and the whole nine yards, well, I thought I was jealous of the bf, but that’s not it. While driving around I figured out why I was so jealous, it’s not that he had his particular bf, it’s that he has a bf. We met and then two weeks later he’s got a bf, you know I’ve been looking, not hard mind you but I haven’t found anyone. Just the fact he found someone so quick after meeting just threw me for a loop.

There is something about me, and I have noticed this time and time again, that when people either meet me, go on a date or anything like that, where there could be some relationship interest, the person who usually goes out with me finds someone shortly there after. I think I should just start charging people to go on dates with me and then a week or so later they will meet their next by. Kind of like match making but with no really work for me. Hmmm sounds like a good idea to me.

I talked with a friend in SC and he really put things in perspective with J2 as well, he said that I need to give him and his bf time to get to know each other and develop a strong relationship. Which is true, and when I talked to him (J2) on Friday I realized just how spread thin he is with work, bf, social obligations, parents and such. I remember being in that situation and its rough and I irritated him and now I feel so bad, I just didn’t know how busy he was, my SC buddy said you have to take what time you can get and that’s so true, 7:30 am calls and lunches and getting together during the week. Have to do for now. I just am used to calling a friend up and saying “Hey let’s go to ….” And get in the car and go, but can’t do that with J2 right now and yes I think he’s right when he says its all about timing, I feel like such a dope, butthead for Fridays conversation. I try to pride myself on being a good friend but I was not, he spent the weekend with his BF and I called yesterday and apologized on his voice mail and sent an email explaining this and a lot more and will apologize again tonight when we talk.

I guess the reason I get so insecure with J2 is that, we have so much in common and he’s the first real person that I can just be 100% open and it’s awesome, I’ve told him things that very few people know or none at all. He’s so easy to talk too and I guess I don’t want to share him but he needs to be happy and have a relationship and live is life too, just never really had a best friend that I did stuff with and told everything too. Which I am changing and doing well at. Just takes time. I’ve always been so protected, one reason is being gay for the longest time I thought so many would reject me if they knew, and other is my learning disability and self esteem, But those are changing and it’s a process that takes time. I just hope J2 forgives me for the other day, He’s damn special to me and he means a lot. BTW his bf is very nice and very good for him so for that I am very happy, hope to meet him soon and find out in person!

See I told you I’d write more
Tim

OPERATION: Date Night

OK, I know I haven’t written much, but school is kicking my ass this semester too. But I have decided something. I want a date, so we’re putting in operation Date Night into effect, yeah I’ve been single and am happy but you know I realized how long it’s been since I had date, I think a democrat was in the White House, but seriously it’s been a while. And I’m ready to date again.

The last few months I have really been working on me, and fixing what I thought was wrong with me. I think this is important to do. You know I don’t know if I’m ready to just get married, but I want to date more.

Ok, first problem, where do you find someone to ask out on a date? HMMM, Well I’ve tired the usual avenues, online, which you know most guys just want sex and RIGHT THEN, and friends, and I’ve determined that all my friends who are dating don’t know any single people other then me. So making me wonder do they actually exist? Hell, I’m this close to going to a gay match maker LOL. Don’t tempt me I’ll do it.

So My goal is to have a date by the end of October. Does anyone out there know of any laid back, guy next door types, that are single? If so send them my way!

Ok here's what I’m looking for:

• Laid back personality
• Has a good sense of humor
• Is smart, in what he does for a living
• Guy next door looks, I’ve never really clicked with muscle boys or overly “good looking” guys, just nothing there.
• I’d love it if he were into camping and grilling out
• A Big plus for a baseball fan, just no Yankees fans LOL well ok I’d date one but… I won’t go there LOL
• Lastly, just be nice.

Ok I’ll keep you posted, I promise, I’m going to create a logo for this, LOL yeah I have no life

Another day in the Week from Hell

Well this week for me personally has been pretty crappy. But, I’m surviving. I’m trying to keep a good attitude and at times it’s not easy. For the first time in my life, I really have confidence about finding a good job. I found that the college education is paying off. Right now I work for my father and it’s prob been one of the best things and worst things for me. But more on that later.

This week started off ok, and got worse, last night was the worst day. The whole gas thing, please don’t let me ramble on but it’s people being stupid in Atlanta and not paying attention to what is going on. NEVER believe anything on the internet. That you don’t check out as fact. But if I get started I’ll have 4 pages of ranting.

What else sucks, is right now I work for my family and live with them. Yes this is family overload. While the job has taught me my umpteenth thousands of dollars in college education have paid off and I know what I’m talking about in business, working with family is a whole other kettle of fish. I don’t recommend it for everyone. I in fact really thought about staying but realized after things happened today, that I really need to leave here after I get done taking my class, that is in the day. When you work with family there is a lot of baggage that goes along with you to the job and it’s not what I want. Plus I want do something creative and in marketing and not in the automotive parts industry, sounds so butch doesn’t it.

An incident happened today and it seems I’ve been blamed for things happening that I didn’t start, one thing about me don’ accuse me of something I didn’t do, I will fight you to the end. I try to treat everyone with respect and today someone went off at work and I wasn’t in the mood to argue so I didn’t say anything, but when something was said about statements being wrong they went off on me personally, not about work or anything but a whole rant about me and what’s wrong with me, I told them “I’m not in the mood today and if working here sucks so much then get your ass out and find you a new job.” I believe that everyone is held to the same standards. Then my mother told me to be nice to the person and that I started it, I was like wait a minute here, I didn’t not start it, I left, and I was not going to stand and be accused of starting something that I didn’t. Arguing with me about work is one thing but attacking me personally for not reason at all, well all I have to say is if you do, you better play to win cause I’m going to take you on full force. And another thing you should know, never ever hold money over me, like I give you your salary, I loaned you that money, etc, that don’t fly with me either, I’ll either find a new job, go borrow money from someone else or get money another way, you don’t hold it over my head. That’s what I told them today, I’d go drop my class and get a job somewhere else. So this January I’m looking for a new job that pays more and I’ll move out and start the life I want not what I have to take now, it’s all a sacrifice for finishing school, which will be done in May of 2006

One good thing is that a good friend of mine, J2 the one I talked about before, he and I have gotten closer as friends and he really means a lot to me, I mean he is one of the few people I have ever really just opened up too and just talk. It’s so great. I think when we had dinner and talked, I was taking a lot out on him and his new relationship that was displaced from other areas of my life. He’s a good man and I told him if the new bf doesn’t treat him right I’ll kick his butt (the bf that is)

Well that’s enough for now I guess; see I told you I’d write more because I have my new laptop! I love it.
Later…..

I'm Back

Ok, I know most of you wonder what the hell happened. Well, life happened. I had a really busy semester at school; I don’t ever recommend taking classes over summer unless you have to or a glutton for punishment. I took speech, which was ok and Philosophy, critical thinking over the summer, which the latter kicked my butt. Well I guess I need to update you on what’s been going on.

Well, pretty much the same stuff, although I got a new job working for my father and that has its ups and downs. More on that later. I have made a really good friend, whom I’ll call J2 that has its ups and downs and drama with guys.

Well when I last left you I was in school and wanting to make more friends. Well that is still the plan but school is way to busy right now. Which sucks, I have a few friends not many, and I want to make more but it’s hard when they call you to do something and I always say, “I have to study.” I know it’s a necessary evil for now and will pay off in the long run. Over the summer I met J2 and another guy we’ll call T, well things were really cool and we were going to do braves games, and hang out, camping and the works, but T turned out to be a missing in action friend. You know the kind never can get on the phone or call or anything. So I had to kick him to the curb and J2 met a guy and well you know how it goes when you start dating someone new. I kinda feel left behind and took me a month and a half to meet up with him again. Which sucks because have you ever met someone and it’s like you know them and you click so well, that 3 months seems like 3 years? That’s what J2 and I have, I know he needs to spend time with his man but it’s just frustrating.

My life is in a big state of change, and those who know me know I hate change, but after a few weeks I adjust. Again another necessary evil. I’m reaching the point in my life where I want to move out and make my own life and go from there but with my work situation and school I can’t do that. Have you ever reached the point in your life where you say “I’m sick of everything in my life?” Well that’s where I am. This will definitely be an ongoing post. I have tons of ideas and I gotta get back to the dating stuff and what this blog is about. Hell I’ve been single for 9 years I should have a lot to say on the topic LOL> Ok this is an update and I plan to keep updating at least 2-3 times a week now that I have a SWEET iBook laptop and can type from anywhere. Please post comments and let me know how I’m doing and what’s up with you guys
Be good
Tim
PS isn’t spell check great!

The Rainbow After the Storm

Well, here’s another posting in a day, I do that sometimes don’t I? Well, I have had two things happen today that was unexpected.

The first is, I have a profile on normal gay.com and I had forgotten about it and the nicest guy sent me an email. Telling me how good my profile was and gave a great intro on him, and just seemed like a nice guy. He had a damn good intro email. I wish I could write them that well I always sound like a dork when I write them. I haven’t heard back from him as of yet but would be great to have a new friend.

Second, a good friend in bama said, about my predicament “To hell with him it’s not your problem.” And you know advice that straight forward really hit home, it’s not really my prob, He’s not my bf and I’m not the one he did stuff with. Although I am reevaluating the friendship, I’m going to see how it goes over the next few days, and go from there.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend and I’m sure I’ll type more, I have neglected this blog for way too long.

A Gun and a Great Defense Lawyer

Is what I’ve been telling anyone who asked “Can I get you anything?” yeah still pissed, but not as much I got 10 hours of sleep so things are always better with a good night sleep. I just want to tell my friend how pissed off I am but have yet to get him alone to tell him. I will, but it’ll take time.

I made some up my mind on a few things. I seriously am going to work out and get in shape this year. I am making more friends, and I am not gong out alone with my friend from Friday. I don’t think it’s good for me if he continues to act this way. I don’t mind going out and having fun but not that.

This ties into dating. Because In the past I’ve always been the one to be walked on and give in and try to please the other person no matter what. I realized about 5 years ago that’s crap, yeah you should do things to make your partner happy but not at your expense. I want a relationship build on trust. I will trust a person till I have a reason not too. Too many gay guys just are in it for the sexual part and never think about the friendship part. That’s when some open it up and do what ever, I don’t understand the whole concept of it, I don’t like to share. I mean I will never say never but, I keep hearing from guys its easier then breaking up, well I’d rather break up.

But as things progress I’ll keep you posted on what happens.

The Day After, well somewhat

Well it’s been a day and to be honest I’m pissed as hell still. More so at my friend then anything else. I was thinking about the pool and thought, well what if I was in that situation, I brought a friend with me to a bar/or event and people wanted to have sex with me and not him. What would I do. I honestly don’t think I’d ever leave my friend, it’s not fair to him to have him wait while you go out.

I’m sort of on a emotional rollercoaster right now because one minute I’m fine and the next I’m pissed. This won’t go away till I confront my friend, which is hard to do with his partner around. So I may not get to do it, I did talk to him earlier and I said I didn’t get any sleep last night because I was pissed off last night, and we’ll see.

I have learned one very important thing in this whole mess, I am growing up. How you ask? Well let me tell you. Before when I ever got mad a anyone I knew that was it, I wanted nothing to do with them. And I’m one of those people who can hole an unhealthy grudge for years, tuck it away in my memory then see the person and it’s back in full force. All the people last night I don’t hate them, I like them and will be friends I just don’t like what they did. I told one friend earlier it was like being bitch slapped around last night. Things will get better and things will improve, I still need better confrontational skills and this will help.

I’m going to go lay down watch season 3 of the West Wing and relax. I’m watching them all over from season one to season four. Then News Radio then Quincy, yes you heard me right, Quincy with Jack Kludman. I know I spelled that wrong.

Have a great one and I’ll get back on track with the dating stuff and all this week.

Full Faith and Credit

This is a weird title I know, but it’s the only thing I could think to call it. If you’re familiar with the concept, it’s part of the US Constitution that gives an equal footing to all contracts and fragments in one state, the same status in another. And be warned I’m f*cking pissed off as hell so this will be a harsh entry and I really don’t care.

I went to an event tonight and expected to have a good time and hang out with some people I know. (I won’t say where or what although I’m half tempted to use real damn names). But I won’t do that, I went to the event with a very good friend of mine and the night was fun, until the end of the night. When my friend was hanging out with Alex and Dave, as I’ll call them for now. They were talking and one of the has a pool and from what I gathered, it was going to go skinny dipping at Alex’s and I’m like cool, But as the conversation went on, my friend said “aren’t you getting tired don’t you want to go home?” and Alex said “you can’t come you’ll open your damn mouth.” Now first off I don’t hear very well in bars, there is a problem that I believe is genetic, that in a lout environment like that I can’t hear anything. So I didn’t know what the fuss was to go skinny-dipping. Well they weren’t going skinny-dipping they were going to have sex. Which I didn’t know at the time. Until they said something I heard. We all left and on the ride over there I was mad as hell, not that they didn’t want to include me just the way they did it. I’m not attracted to Alex or Dave at all, so no hard feelings there and as for my friend I am not attracted either. One added thing, my friend and his partner have been having problems lately and they have talked about being open and I have no clue. So I drove his car over to Alex’s house and told him I would go to Woofs and he can go have fun and call me when he’s done, he said he didn’t want me to go alone and he’d go with me. He left went and talked to the two and said come and go have fun. I know me and I was in no mood to be there, and I have a saying “Don’t go where you’re not welcome” Which is how I felt, I was not a welcome person to be there. So, my friend comes back and says this and I say nope I’m not going, He went back with them and I went to Woof’s at first I was dreading going to a bar alone, then I saw Joey, who I used to work with and hung out. About 45 minutes later my friend comes back and said he couldn’t leave me, granted by this time he had already had what ever sex he had, and I thought we were leaving, nope he proceeded to make out with a few guys and I was tired, and still grumpy, You know and I just sat there while he made out with these guys, I wanted to go out and have fun, hang out not watch him suck face. OK I can hear some of you say, you’re jealous, I’m not at all, I just don’t want the information I have incase his partner asks me. I don’t want to be in the middle of something like that. When I go out I want to have fun and just hang out and cut up, not get someone laid, you know sitting there made me feel like the shy introverted 16 yo I used to be. Dorky and self-conscious, I have come a long way but I’m just going to f*cking level and say some things I was going to say but didn’t know how to say or if I wanted too. Some of you are now saying, Well you’re just jealous of your friend getting some. No, I’ve been through my slut phase and I’m pretty much over it, When I have sex know I want to know the guy and like him and have it mean something. I’ve had tons of sexual encounters over the years that didn’t mean anything and it left me emptier then when I did it. Fact #1, I have a big dick, yeah I said it, I can get just about any btm I want in Atlanta, and have, All I have to do is get on aol and I could have one in 5 minutes. But I don’t want that. So all you people say I can’t get a man to truck, BITE ME! FACT 2: I’ve reached the point in my life where there is so much more then a trick, fling or one nighter. If you want to do it, then knock yourself out I won’t judge you or anything, it’s just not for me any more. Even the guys to night I still like them and don’t hold any bad feelings but damn, learn how to be more direct and say “You’re not our type” or “There’s no Chemistry” what ever., I ain’t heartbroken in the fact I didn’t go to the pool, actually I’m very glad I didn’t go. Hell I haven’t topped in 3 and a half years, August 2001 was the last time. That has been my choice, and one I’ve been happy with. FACT 3: When I do have sex, I want to have it with someone I like and know. Not someone I met for 5 minutes, I want a connection, I’m not saying I have to date, but I’d like to like the person before I get naked. I’ve had tons of sexual encounters where after it was over I was like why did I do that? I want to leave now, this person is an idiot.

I’m pissed off because of several factors and I choose the title because no matter what I should be able to be pissed. First be honest, that’s all I ever want, I’m not saying It’ll make things 100% great, but tell me up front, not my type, ugly, what ever you want. Just be F*cking honest with me, I’ll get over it better. Second, I don’t want to be in the middle of something between my friends. And I know I will be, I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s a damn train. I’ll get screwed. Lastly, if I go out with a friend I want to go out and have fun not watch you spend the night making out with god knows who. I want your company and not be the third wheel, again refer to rule one, if you want to do that be honest with me and say, I want to go get lucky, and I’ll either invite another friend or not go.

I’d be curious to know what some of you guys think, Leave your comments or email me. I didn’t’ argue with my friend because I’m VERY MAD and I never argue this mad, I need to cool down, second, he was drunk, I know this because I told him the same things twice and he didn’t remember them.

Single = Desperate?

Welcome boys and girls today we have a math lesson, Does being single mean you’re desperate? Let’s ponder the evidence shall we…. Well not exactly a math lesson, and before I get going too far, I know I’m going to have to get a big leather daddy to grab a paddle and spank my ass for not writing like I should here. That said. Moving right along….

I went out Sunday night to Woof’s after softball because they were the host bar and it was ok, but half way through the night, a few of my team mates decided they were going to get me laid. And upon reflection, I got pissed off, hell I was pissed off at the time. Some how they got it in their head that being single and not having a sex life (we’ll talk about that in a sec) I am desperate. Well, for one, my sex life is where it because I want it there. I used to be a ho, hooking up and tricking a few times a week. But the reason I did it was because I wanted to get companionship with out the attachment. And I’m not saying that if you go around and have sex (as long as it’s safe, that’s another whole discussion) then go have fun, as long as you’re both on the same page, knock your self out hang from the chandeliers and break out the hand cuffs.

Back to my story, well they kept going what’s your type and I was pointing out guys. That I liked, but that was a bad night at the bar. I though we were talking get me a date, but they were talking “lets get me laid”. So one of them had a friend come up and he was ok, and they told me that he was single and such, he wasn’t really my type but sometimes I’m just too damn nice, and then they went and talked to him and made me go talk to him. First he wasn’t my type and second he was drunk off his ass. Not a good first impression.

But why is it most guys in a relationship think us single guys are so totally miserable without a man? What’s up with that? In the last few years I have really done things that were good for me and made positive changes. Ones I don’t think I could have done dating. But who know, I would love to hear from some of you about this. Give me your 2 cents!

This is your Job ........

Ok, so I’m stealing, well that’s such an ugly word, I’m borrowing an idea from Scott-o-rama. He has on his site get Scott a new job, well since I ain’t got one, it’s get Tim a new job. I learned in my advertising class that 50% of new advertising is just copied from someone else, so why wouldn’t this be good enough for a blog ideas? So here goes:

What I am looking for in a job:
• Location, well I would love a job in Buckhead, Midtown or downtown, to be close to school but hell I ain’t picky, it if pays I go where ever it is.
• Type of job: well I’ve only done administrative jobs, and its what I know but I’m at GSU downtown and closely approaching my graduation date, May 2006, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not a train this time. I am going to school for marketing so I would love a job that has either an entry level marketing position or an admin one where I can move up as I graduate and gain skills
• My qualifications and what I like doing: I would love a job doing PowerPoint Presentations. I am really good at designing custom presentations. That includes backgrounds, bullets and graphics. I have advanced MS Office skills and am a wiz at anything in office. I eventually want to go into special events/convention Planning and also give presentations. I took a great seminar last week and giving them is a lot easier then I thought. I was taught some common sense about them. Lastly I have 5 or more years working admin and previous to that was retail.

Anyone out there know anyone hiring in the ATL area let me know, SEND ME AN EMAIL ASAP! See this isn’t exactly like Scott’s

I'm Back

Hey there,

I know you think I just dropped off the face of the earth but I didn’t. I’m back and better then ever, or so they say. Well not really LOL, I got done with the semester and now job hunting. Which sucks big time. But unlike last time I am being proactive and really looking. Last time I got laid off I was so depressed and miserable that I just sat around. Not this time. I’ve only been seriously looking for a week or so but things will happen.

That’s all that is happening to me I’m going to try to get back on my schedule of postings and topics, but for the life of me I can’t find my list so I’m going to create a new one tonight and get started.

Have a great day
Tim
PS if you hear of any jobs in ATL let me know

Pissed Off

Ok, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, and I’m sitting here just frustrated and mad as hell pretty much, I guess more frustrated. I promise I’ll get back to writing and doing stuff on here, but being laid off just sucks, I hate having to go “I can’t afford that so I can’t buy that” or watch were I go since gas is so expensive. Just irritates the hell out of me. I don’t want this to be some poor pitiful me story but I just need to blow off steam.

I’m pissed because I got laid off and I found out that after they laid me off and a few others they are hiring someone to fill in the slack basically. That just annoys me but it’s good I’m not there I was tired of not having a phone on my desk and doing nothing for three months. There’s nothing I can’t stand at a job then doing nothing and wasting time. I have been in this situation before and this time things are different. I realize I have skills and the only person that has held me back was me. I can do a lot and will have a better job after this but the time it takes to get a new job kills me.

The last thing pissing me off is school, luckily I am unemployed or I never would get half the crap done I needed too this last few weeks. Every time I turn around for my business communications class I have about 4 things done at once, this class is one of those crappy required classes and it assumes you have nothing to do but do work for this class. I have 4 things due this Tues and a test, god I just have to get out of it with a C. I plan to give it the worst evaluation I’ve ever given a class, and my other classes are ok, just time consuming and I expected that with my major classes. Being dyslexic the syllabus is hard to read because it doesn’t make sense to me, I hate that class.

Thanks for listening I won’t bitch any more

We will Return to our Regularlly Scheduled Program After This Message

Ok for those of you who read me probably wonder where I’ve disappeared too. Well Thursday afternoon I got laid off out of the blue. I started to write an entry over the weekend, but I realized it was just mad and deleted it. It was good therapy. I found out I was not the only one “Laid Off” So I’m looking at this as a good move for me. I have plenty of money and a few part time job options so I’m in good shape. I sprained my knee again and that knocked me down for the weekend and I’m slowly getting back to myself, so the full time job hunt has been put on hold. I still plan to do what I want with my blog and hope to do it soon but school this week has exploded and I think I’m about to go crazy! But I hope you’ll stay tuned for some really cool things. And if you live in Atlanta and know of any job openings Email me!
Thanks

Ramblings, Whitney, Dating and some things to make you go Hmmmm

Hey there,

Well in a day I’ve gotten two comments, that doubles my previous comments. WHOO HOOO. I’m still trying to figure a few things out with the blog, I have a bunch of ideas, I just need the time to implement them. I’m trying to write something every day rather then go a week or so without posting. Plus it gets me in the habit of posting. Because I can be very lazy given the chance. No really I can! OMG, I am listening to the talk radio station here in ATL and just heard Whitney Houston is back in rehab. That’s the topic for a entire blog in itself. When will she learn? She had such an awesome career in the 80’s and early 90’s and in the last 10 years I’d say she let things go. I don’t want you to think I’m a Whitney basher, hell I’m listening to her greatest hits in the car right now, the dance mix CD, I love that thing. But come on now, dump the man and move on. She keeps saying how much she loves him, but love ain’t chemical dependant. Isn’t a shame when someone with so much talent just doesn’t do anything with it, heck I’d kill just to be able to carry a tune. I am probably the worst singer I know, and I am BAD, I’m talking American Idol reject bad. And then there is Mariah.. that’s too much to go into so I’ll leave that one alone.

Sorry for the tangent there, but what was I saying before I rudely interrupted myself…. Oh yeah the blog. I’m having fun doing this and I Hope y’all are enjoying it. I’m going to type about everything, dating, me, reality TV, West Wing, and everything. But we’ll start off by dating. I swear I’m going to come up with my own material, like Terminally Single, but I am a serial Dater. I heard one comedian, talk about how if Serial Killers are called that because they kill people, then they were a Serial Dater because after they go out there never is a second date. Well lately this has been my dating life, hell this has been it for the last 10 years I think LOL. I have many dating stories. And yes I’ll go over all them. But lately I go on one date and you think “Man that went great, I can’t wait to see (Insert Name of the week) again.” Then you get the “Oh we will have to do something soon (Implying when Satan is ice skating in hell), the I like you but not in that way, or the all time gay favorite, the ignore them and they will go away. I’m trying to dissect what I do in dating, I mean I’m not hideous. I’m hung like a horse (Just kidding or am I? HMMMM) But my biggest downfall is I’m so damn shy, which I seriously am working on. A lot of people I have known said at first they think I have attitude, but I don’t, I just get a feel for the situation before I really say anything. I actually gave up dating a few years back for a year because I went with the three strikes out rule. I had three dates in a two month period that got consistently worse and I figured before I got arrested on a date I’d give it a rest.

The first date, for the life of me I can’t remember what went wrong. I think I blocked it from my memory. For the life of me I can’t recall what happened. HMMM,

But the other two I will go into tomorrow… I know right now you’re cussing me for doing it, but I got carried away in doing more then I thought I would do. I was only going to do a paragraph or two, not a book. Well tune in tomorrow and hear about my dating life.

The Gas Station of Lov e

Well I have a saying, I forgot where I heard it, I wish I could take credit for it but here goes… At the Gas Station of Love, I’m just in the Self Service lane. No truer words have been spoken. You know, some of you out there may think I shouldn’t make light of some of this stuff, but you know I’ve reached the point if I don’t have fun with being single I’ll go crazy. And I’m a firm believer that if you can’t make fun of yourself who can you make fun of? Well today I have a presentation in my International Marketing class and we’re going to kick ass. I get to be the western capitalist and say Sweatshops or as I call them Lesser Developed Country Labor Force is good! I have a few big things planned for the next few weeks of postings. That is if I ever get a chance to sit down and do it and not do school stuff. I have a few sweeps weeks things planned and some sex sells type of stuff Have a good one!

A Conversation with a Friend

A conversation I had with a friend online. It pretty much sums up what I've been going through the last few weeks. I'll keep you all posted on whats going on.

Friend: I have indeed decided to run away from home
Friend: good bye
Me: ah, what’s going on? talk to me
Friend: LOL
Friend: just kidding
Stuff about work I Left out

Me: eh, it's change and I hate change
Friend: me too
Friend: LOL
Me: and a lot of changes in the personal life too so, I just feel lost, I’m at the point where I wish things would stay the way they were but the way they were isn't good for me
Friend: why isn't it good?
Me: just I sit at home, do nothing, be lazy and I want to get out and make friends and do things then sit a home depressed saying Poor me. So I did softball, and will do some more things and work out, after seeing my pics yesterday DAMN, I’ve let myself go way too much, I have to do something and get a better self image
Friend: that all starts from within...there is something that is causing that and you need to identify and deal that whatever that is then all will fall into place
Me: yeah I’m going with it and I just get frustrated and such every so often, I guess it's the whole change thing, I just hate change but it's a necessary thing, and after 2 weeks, I’m ok, but that two week adjustment period I'm grumpy LOL and I Like the way you call me out on things, you're a good friend for doing that
Friend: sometimes it is something we don't wish to see or are not prepared to deal with
Me: well I know what’s wrong and I have known for a long time I just did nothing about it
Friend: ah
Me: the whole thing with Wayne made me realize this, and prob the best thing that ever happened to me
Friend: how so?
Me: just I finally let myself open up to someone and be venerable again, I didn't hold things in and try to impress him with things or try to be someone I wasn't, I was me, the real me. I've been so scared for so many years that if people find out I’m gay they will reject me, and I’ve had the opposite experience, I have to let that go
Friend: if they have a problem with that that is their problem...it does not belong to you...You are Tim...you are a great guy and if they can't see that so be it...we all click with different people so we will not always get along with everyone...just let it be and move on until you find the ones you belong with
Friend: you have to learn how to not accept other people's issues...
Me: I know I know, but for so long I have tired to please everyone, which the only person not getting pleased is me, I know but its' just working through it and taking the steps to get it done. I’m being honest with everyone I know now
Friend: :-D
Friend: well I need to get to school...be good...have a great day!
Me: you too and if you run away take me with ya

ARGH I need to Vent

OK, I’m posting another entry because I just because I can. Well, I want to work out and get in shape. After seeing those pics yesterday it just pisses me off. You know and it’s my own fault. For so many years I could eat anything and do what I wanted and stay in shape, for me it was thin. But not any more the older you get the more the metabolism slows down and you have to work harder keeping things in shape. Well my biggest problem is I have no clue what to do to work out. I have never worked out before and exercises to build muscle and how much weight to lift is another great mystery. I would love a work out partner but it seems unlikely right now. I need to find someone who is at GSU and can go the times I don’t have class or work. I would also love a swim partner. I want to learn butterfly better and how to do flip turns. My biggest stumbling block is not the motivation to work out but the knowledge to work out. The last time I worked out I did it regularly but had no clue what I was doing and saw no results. Anyone out there in the same boat? Or can help me out or recommend a good book on weight training for idiots or something? I’m just frustrated right now because I’m in the middle of making changes and now the “Its easier to leave things the way they are” sets in. I have to push through that and go on. I am going to do it and do things to change my life, I’m just sick of things and frustrated today. I am just like most American’s I want instant results but it doesn’t work that way. ARGH, I mean I’m burned out on school, my job has taken some major shits and I’m not sure where that’s going (I don’t talk about work here much and when I do I’ll be vague because I need to keep my job), and personal life I need more friends. I’m just tired of things and I’m where I cam because I let myself get content on just sitting on my butt. One thing I really want to change is being shy, I hate it, I am pretty fun and when you get to know me I’m the life of the party most of the times but when I’m around a group of new people I’m quiet and it takes me a while to come out my shell. I think I just need a hug today. Thanks for letting me vent.

My Weekend and Plans to Come

Ok, another weekend down and back to the routine grind. Well this weekend was full of physical activities, hey get your mind out of the gutter, there’s only room in there for mine! I had my swim work out and my softball practice Saturday. Followed by two games on Sunday. We did pretty good out there. I didn’t play the first game but played the second game. And yes I actually hit the ball. The first time up to bat, I hit the first pitch, and popped it up and the pitcher caught it, Darn it, second one was a grounder and was thrown out at first, the third time was barely a hit and I got to first, although the person on third got out, but I managed to score a run on that one. Was fun I need to get in better shape running. I also need to work on my social skills, I’m still a little shy around some of the team makes but I’m working on it. Yeah I’m shy, believe it or not. ON here I’m my usual self, but in a group of people I don’t know I calm up and I need to change that, but it don’t come over night.

I have a few things planned for this blog, and I’m instituting sweeps weeks though out the year. Yeah I’ll have some good things planned and I think you all will enjoy. But I have a ton of school work and such to do over the next few weeks, and I have really decided to start working out/exercising after seeing my pics taken this weekend.

I’ll keep you posted on softball, and my life in general and my advice and topics on dating and what ever else I feel like rambling about that day. Have great week!

Your Dating Guru

Honesty.... Is that So Much?

Well a few things have happened lately that make me think over the concept of honesty in a relationship. Especially one where you’re just beginning to see someone. This came about by a friend who’s having problems with his bf, but that just inspired me, there are a few more people I know in the same boat.

Here’s my philosophy about being honest in dating. I say tell it all right up front, well with in the first few weeks, I’m not talking sit down and tell everything in a day, they’d go screaming towards the hills. But just say here is me, good, bad, ugly. I say if you do it all in the beginning then the rest is no easier.

Here is what basically it boils down to. You see a guy and he goes and hangs out with his friend or friends and you ask him did he have sex with him or one of them. And they answer no, then a few weeks or months down the line you find out they did. Why lie about it, Maybe I’m naïve but I’ve been friends with guys I’ve had sex with after the sex ended. I think others can too, but why lie about it? To me it’s not the point that I maybe worried you’re going to have sex with him, but if you liked about something like this, then what else will you lie about. I will put the whole relationship in question.

This same thing happened tome a while back but I was the one who slept with someone I was going to hang out with. He lives in Bham and I had a three way with him and his ex, I know I know trashy, but it was in my wild days. He and his ex broke up after (Yeah you know they broke up since called him an ex), he got with a new guy and moved to back to Bham. He invited me to come and learn to ride horses better. So the person I was seeing I say, Joe found me online and invited me over for the weekend to ride, and btw..um. I did a three way with him and his ex.” So I put that out there and if he had problems with it I wanted to know. Luckily he didn’t and It was ok to go but, I haven’t been yet and if you’re reading this I’m calling you tonight to set something up.

When I date someone I just want to be honest and tell them str8 up what’s going on. Because if you break up with me or we stop seeing each other it’s not going to be I wasn’t honest. I think that’s another good reason to do it up front. If you tell them and they have problems with stuff you’ve told them, it gives them a way out because different people have different “Deal Breakers.” It’s better to find those out up front then 2 or 3 years down the road.

I’m curious how you guys feel about this. I don’t mind at all people disagreeing with me. I want to hear what you think. Post comments and let me know what up!

Coming SOON!

I have a few posts in the works but I haven't had time to sit down and fully write them out. I have a presentation and not one but two papers due in my International marketing class next week, and a test tonight in my advertising class. Then to top it off I have swim practice, softball practice and two softball games this weekend. Where doest the time go? I have also been an attention whore this week trying to get the word of my blog out there. I"ve talked to a few of my favorite Bloggers via AIM and email. They have all been pretty nice. I hope those of you reading this, yeah I have had actual readers, or so my counter says, I hope you enjoy the blog so far, keep checking back for more and more! Have a great week!

100 or More Things About Me

1. Born in Columbia SC on November 25, 1970
2. Moved to the Atlanta area when I was 5
3. my first 45 (yes record) was Sister Sledge “We are Family”
4. Played saxophone in band
5. was a member of the science club
6. was French club president
7. My First job was at Toys R Us
8. I was not valedictorian of my class
9. feel in love with DC on a Close Up Trip in HS
10. Started Georgia State in 1988
11. Declared Political Science as my Major
12. Got my First bf Chris in 1990
13. Changed My major to Film
14. Changed My major back to Political Science
15. Became Yearbook editor
16. Got my Second BF David 1994
17. My year book got cancelled
18. Dropped out of School
19. David and I broke up July 4, 1996
20. Started back at GSU in 1999
21. Marketing is my major
22. Changed my major to CIS
23. Changed it again to A double major, CIS and Marketing
24. Finally changed it back to Marketing and it has stayed
25. I sing like an American Idol reject
26. I only sing in my car
27. My only vices are cigars and chocolate
28. I love movies
29. I hate full screen DVDs
30. I can not stand coconut
31. I don’t miss an episode of Survivor or West Wing
32. I have more CD’s then most record stores
33. I have one brother
34. No nieces or nephews, that I know of
35. I have only been to Canada
36. Planning to go to Australia as a graduation present to myself
37. My birthday is more important then Christmas to me
38. I have no pets
39. I Drive a Buick Century (Hey no grandpa jokes)
40. I wanted to be a graphic designer
41. Growing up I wanted to be a Vet
42. I’m a big kid at heart
43. My only addiction is caffeine
44. I have gout
45. first attack in 1997, the day Versace was killed
46. Diagnosed in 2000
47. It is the most painful thing I’ve ever had
48. It affect my right foot and left wrist
49. Best CD bargain: Billy Ocean Greatest Hits, Columbia House $.99
50. Most expensive CD bought Pet Shop Boys Pop Art Limited Edition $49
51. I own the complete “Buck Rogers and the 25th Century” DVD
52. Futurama is my favorite Adult Cartoon
53. Buggs is my favorite Cartoon Character
54. Most Famous person I’ve met – Elton John
55. He came in the record store I worked in
56. Most friendly famous person I ever met RuPaul
57. Favorite Actors: Donald Sutherland,
58. Favorite Actresses: Stockard Channing
59. The Oscars are the only award show I watch
60. My hair has a mind of it’s own
61. I need blogging for idiots
62. I will only own a MAC at home
63. I have an underwear/Speedo/sports gear fetish
64. I have been online since 1994
65. I have a full braves away grey uniform (thanks eBay)
66. My favorite show of all time if Mary Tyler Moore
67. I’ve officiated at a Rodeo (Timing)
68. I’ve Officiated at a swim meet (Timing)
69. I’ve been on the board of a Rodeo Association
70. I was member of a masters swim team.
71. My estimated graduation date is May 2006
72. Vacuuming is the house hold chore I hate the most
73. I go out occasionally
74. I go to Pride, when I feel like it
75. I have a depth perception problem
76. I own two animation production cells (One Animaniacs and One from Tiny Toons)
77. My nick name used to be Dizzy Devil, for obvious reasons
78. Lately my nick name was Evil, for obvious reasons
79. I want to try stand up comedy
80. Strip clubs are GOOD (Male ones that is)
81. I have only been to one sex club (Only one visit ever)
82. I didn’t like it and didn’t do anything
83. I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket and that was in May 2004
84. I love the Atlanta Braves
85. I hate pro basketball
86. My favorite food is Italian
87. I came out to my family at 18
88. Only because my mom found my stash of porn under the bed (all gay porn of course)
89. The only bf my family has met was David
90. I’m a Sagittarius
91. And yes I’m brutally honest
92. I hate to multitasking
93. Business catch phrases drive me up a wall
94. Celebrity endorsements don’t work for me.
95. I’ve worked the polls before (voting polls get your mind out of the gutter)
96. My TV hero is Murphy Brown
97. I started doing the cowboy thing in 1999
98. I am monogamous in relationships
99. I’m a night person but with my job I get up at 5 AM every day
100. I’m a whimp when it comes to working out but a necessary evil
101. In 1994 I weight 170 and 32 w
102. Today I weigh 250 and 36w (depending on the day)
103. I wear a ring on my left hand and no I’m not married
104. I am shy
105. Really I am
106. I don’t open up to people
107. But I’m working on it
108. You couldn’t tell it by this blog
109. Brand loyal to coke
110. only reason to get a pepsi is free iTunes songs
111. I’ve had more sex then just about anyone I know
112. but I have slowed down
113. I haven’t topped since Aug 2001
114. I haven’t btm’ed in got knows when at least 1998 prob longer
115. I shop for new undies monthly whether I need them or not
116. I got hooked on undies at in my early teens
117. I own a paddle
118. Yes I know how to use it
119. I Love disco music
120. I HATE the Bee Gees
121. That was disco’s dark days and I don’t talk about it
122. I listen to every kind of music
123. Some people I know call it Music Attention Deficit Disorder (MADD)
124. MY current CD has Shania, Elton John, The Eagles, Diana DeGarmo, Pet Shop Boys.
125. I have a tendency to run on and on, THE END?

Why the Change and I"m getting some Culture

Ok, do you notice a change? Well I renamed my blog to Terminally Single. It’s so me lately. I’ve been single since July 4, 1996, for those of you counting, that’s almost 9 years. Yeah some of the time It was me, keeping me back but now I’m busting loose and going to start dating again. Why the change you ask? Well I came up with the term a while back if you’ve read my blog as a sarcastic way to deal with being single. One of my current dates, who will remain nameless, wondered if I was ready for a relationship, I assure you I am but I guess I’m just damn picky. Read the dating philosophy and I’m going to put rules up for dating. Should be fun, I’m self proclaiming myself a dating guru, and will take the necessary steps to get up to speed.

Culture! Right now yogurt has more culture then I do (it’s a joke do you get it?, hmm). And in my never ending quest to find new friends and branch out I have come up with a great idea, if I do say so myself. Culture Day. Meaning go out and do something like Martini’s & IMAX, High Museum, Art gallery shows, Alliance Theater or something like that, and another thing for the life of me I can’t think of right now. I think It would be great, I’m sending an email to all my friends and to ask their friends to go. Heck if you’re reading this and you think, damn that’s a good idea, email me! I’ll include you on details. Also I’m open to new ideas, even road trips are welcome too.

BTW, I don’t recall if I said I joined a softball team, but It went well other then the wack in the face by the ball. But hey I’ll be remembered! I think some people would have left the field and never come back but not me, you gotta take your embarasement and turn it around. I have taken myself too seriously for WAY too long, it’s time to be that wacky out there person I am. I tried the grown up thing and being too serious ain’t me. And I’m going to do stand up, I’ve put that off for way too long, going to find out about this class this week!

Well, Have a great week I’ll write more this week.

I RECLAIM MY LIFE!

Ok, well you’ve read my postings and now it’s time for the verdict. Wayne, or W as I called him, told me last night that when we meet that he didn’t’ feel the chemistry. When we finally met after talking 2 years and tons of phone calls. Which I knew, but it was good to hear it from him. He’s a great guy and we will be friends. He is one of the sweetest guys I’ve met in a long time. He will make someone very happy.

So I decided, that I need to get my ass out and do stuff and meet people so I joined the gay softball team here in ATL. Which I had my first practice today and I have fun, all except a ball to the face, knocked me down <>G but oh well. I look forward to playing. I am not that good but they say it’s all for fun.

I decided I have to make more friends and I’m going to do a lot more and be a lot more open with people. It’s hard for me to change after so many years but it’s kind of liberating at time. I just keep getting hung up that me and Wayne shared a lot of the same philosophies and ideals of dating and life but there are more guys out there. So if you’re interested get out and meet me out somewhere. I just wanted to keep you updated, well who ever reads this LOL, updated.

My Dating Philoosphy

My dating philosophy spelled out

1. Your partner should be one of your best friends, not your only best friend but one of them
2. I date one person at a time and only them, I don’t do open relationships, so monogamy is the word of the day
3. each of us should have our own group of friends. I never will ask a man to give up his friends for me. It’s not right or fair, I don’t want a man who’s entire life revolves around me. We have to be whole separate to be whole together.
4. each of us should have interests outside of the relationship. Again see above, I hate it when you do things you hate for your partner and keep doing it, I will try what ever my partner wants but if I don’t like it I will tell him, not snarky, but just sweetie I don’t like that, and if he wants to keep doing it I won’t stand in his way.
5. each should have time alone to spend with friends and on interests that the other doesn’t share. This just reflects the top two, it’s good to spend time apart, it makes time together so much better
6. There should be a balance between friends/interests and outside of each other. Like above, you have to balance time apart with time together, too much time apart is to me just as bad as too much time together.
7. If I know something before the relationship begins I’m will not criticize you or nag that the thing gets in the way (ex, knowing you travel for work and are gone 4 days a week, especially if your job make you very happy and is important to you, I respect that and won’t complain)
8. Communication is the key, I want to be able to tell my partner anything. I think my partner could tell me anything too, honest is the best, tell me before hand, even if you’re thinking of cheating, or anything I won’t get mad, well too mad, but you cant work on what you don’t acknowledge
9. Relationships are work, it doesn’t just happen. My relationship with David thought me this, I thought when you’re not arguing it should be wonderful. It’s not it usually just normal, and when things go bad you have to dig in your heels and fight for a relationship rather then just let it go
10. Sex isn’t everything but it’s something. I’m a firm believer you get freaky with your bf, and do things you wouldn’t do with a trick. I think you should constantly spice things up in the bedroom and always try new things and be open to your partners suggestions as well. We all have things that we just will never do in bed, and those should be respected but outside that it’s an open field.

This is how I feel about dating. I haven’t dated much and this may all be a pipe dream, especially the monogamy part. But this is what I want, I don’t think it’s very demanding, I think actually it’s very liberal for dating, too many gay couples I know have to spend every waking hour together and that would drive me nuts. And too many couples are in for just the good, so when something goes bad they bail, well I’m going to fight for my man and try to solve the problem. In dating when my partner has a problem I’m always like “How can we fix this” not how can YOU fix it. But to be honest I’m beginning to wonder about dating, I know plenty of people that get out of a relationship and right back in another, I just don’t open up that fast. Hell it takes me a while to get over it and move on. I’m working on opening up and being 100% honest and not hold anything back, but it’s hard to do when you have played it close to your vest for so long. Its hard but its something I have to do. Is there anyone out there who feels this way? Email me or Leave a comment

Friends Where are they? And get to know me some

Ok, another day a new beginning they say, and if I ever find “them” I’m going to bet the hell out of them. But I’m not going to worry about things with W. I mean, when you put your heart on the line you risk the chance to get it broken. I for once wasn’t a blithering idiot and didn’t freak out. I was myself for once and well that’s all you can ask for when you date. Yeah I know I’m still learning I think dating sucks but it’s a necessary evil.

I was sitting at home last night and having a pity party for myself and how I wished things would be better with W, and how I wish I had more friends and I realized, you know I can blame everyone out there but when you really get down to it it’s my fault for a lot of what’s happened. I’ve never been an open person, and the blog is a good way to really put things out there that I don’t have the balls to just come right out and say, I guess you can be anonymous to some degree. But, I sit at home, get on AOL and what do I do? Nothing, in the past I have met some really good people off AOL but lately it’s just one big trick line, I was going to try Gay.com but that’s even worse, every time I get on to chat it’s 100% sex, which don’t get me wrong, but sex isn’t what I’m after right now. In my 20’s I had my share of sex, more then most people have in alife time and I did it for stupid reasons. But it’s done and I was a slut, there I said it. But now that I’m in my 30’s I realized times I wasted friendship possibilities, used people and just was a typical young gay man. And if anyone out there is reading this and I dicked you over back then I apologize. You learn with age. But I’m in the market for new friends. Which is hard to find, I don’t know if it’s just Atlanta or gay world in general, but why can’t gay guys be friends without having sex? I think it’s possible and my 4 good friends, Mike and Todd, Joe and Brent and I have never had sex. I also realized I have more friends then I thought too, my friends in Athens Will and Robert, two really great guys and I ran into David in Birmingham (who’s going to teach me to ride horses, um real ones, get your mind out of the gutter) and My ex David. Who for the longest time I had bad feelings for but now we have patched things up, and lastly is my first ex Chris, who our paths keep crossing so I think that tells us we’re meant to be friends.

What am I looking for in friends? Well, just every day normal laid back guys. I’m not a big bar person, I never have been. I would love friends into working out and athletic activities, I want to get in shape, first off for totally vain reasons but secondly we have a history of diabetes and other health problems in my family so I think it’s better to get started now rather then wait and pay for consequences later. I also would like friends who camp or something. Basically ones you can get together, cook dinner, drink hang out and talk about everything, where no part of your life is off limits and there are no judgments. One of the best things I ever did was a version of Truth and Dare but with out the dares. You ask a question and you go around and everyone answers it. It can be just a regular question, sex, or anything. That was fun I would love to have friends that are open to things like that. But like I said I am my biggest block to new friends. I hold back and don’t’ tell a lot about me, and I’m trying to change and I have changed a lot, I just feel if I open up most people will think I’m a freak and such because I’ve never had that truly best friend, the one you tell everything too. I knew I was gay at an early age and I’ve let that hold me back a lot, I was always like “if they find out I’m gay they will reject me or hate me” which we all know is total crap. I’m not saying that won’t happen but a lot more people are open gays then ever before. I have to stop making excuses and I am trying to do that, so don’t get this as a pity party for me it’s not, I’m just explaining why I do things.

I want to get out and make friends but the question is where do you go? I think I may join a softball team or something. I like to swim but I’m not sure about the team here. I just have to break out the southern voice and see what activities are out there. And I have to be myself and not what I think people want me to be. I just sit at home and do nothing. And unless there is a gay door to door salesman coming around I won’t meet anyone sitting there, and on AOL. A few of my friends are leaving AOL and I don’t think I’m going to do that just yet, I have friends on there and it’s cheaper then long distance, and yeah I still have hope I’ll meet some guys off it, a pipe dream or what?

Well if you’re in Atlanta and looking for a new friend, Send me an email or IM. I’m at timothymgol@earthlink.net or gatallcowboy@earthlink.net. IM’s are AIM: GATallCowboy and Yahoo GATallCowboy.

By the way I’m promoting my blog finally, I posed it on a site and we’ll see maybe someone will read this finally! Man what I wouldn’t do for a comment, heck a few comments.

Have a good one, but this is hopefully a new beginning for me!

Life, Love and Relationships

Ok, I know I haven’t written in a while, not that many folks read this, or do any? Hmm I don’t know but I’ve had a crappy week. Arguments with family and the whole rethinking the living situation and an ambiguous date. This week is my spring break and it’s supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable but it’s been anything but… But I’m thinking of moving in with my friends J & B, I think it’s time to make the change, we just gotta figure out money, which I don’t have a lot of.

If any of you know me you know I was very excited with my date with W, no not the president. Well he came to town and it was weird, have you ever had one of those dates where you don’t know how it went. It had moments of being good and others of being bad? That was my date. Things did turn up, we took a pic together, he invited me to visit him, and he called me cowboy when I left, so those are all good things. I hopefully will see him online today and talk. I sent him an email and the pic of us together. I”ll keep you posted on it…

Moving on, but this whole experience with W has made me realize that I’ve been holding myself back for so long about dating. I’m not the kind of person who has to date someone to be happy, In the words of Whitney Houston, who should follow the advice of her own song “I’d rather be a lone then unhappy.” I have known many gay couples who are just not happy together, and they just stay I don’t get it, even with a house and stuff together I’d rather sell the house and be a good whole person rather then a fragmented one. I’m not the typical gay guy on relationships, which brings me to the reason for this blog entry, my philosophy on dating.

Well, I think too many guys go into dating with their little heads rather then the big head. Most guys I know go straight for the physical rather then the mental. I’m much more a mental person, I like a guy I can talk to and if he can make me laugh as is a quick witted as I am, he’s so in. I’m a big kid at heart and since I’m 34 I don’t think that will be changing so I’d need a guy who finds that attractive. But back to my philosophy. I think your boyfriend should be one of your best friends. Not your only best friend but one of them. I think you should base the relationship on a strong solid friendship that will grow over time. This also includes the dreaded M word in the gay world. MONOGOMY. I just don’t get the whole open relationship thing, I’m not knocking it to guys who do it and it works but I don’t want it. I’m selfish with my man and don’t’ like to share him. And the main reason its good is there is too much stuff going around, HIV, STD’s and the like and more and more resistant ones are being found, so I just want one to not worry about getting anything from. But moving on, I also like a man who’s not codependent, there is nothing I can stand less then a guy who can’t be on his own. I like an independent man, one where we can both have out own lives and interests and do them away from each other but also share our lives. I’ve never been a jealous guy, I like for my guy to have a life and friends outside of me, and I think it’s good to spend time apart, because not matter how much alike you are there are always things you like to do that your partner will hate and why should you give them up completely once you date? I mean you won’t do them all the time but you should be able to do them from time to time. For example if you like hiking or camping you should be able to go. Also there are things you do with your friends you may not like or your bf may have friends you don’t like, I’ve never told anyone who they could be friends with and if there are no issues, such as trust, lies being told or being bitchy, I won’t mind who he’s friends with. And they should spend time together.

I hope this makes sense, I’m going on little sleep and prob not making sense. But oh well. I’ve been reading other blogs and one guy who has impressed me is Boy Briefs. He’s one of a few people thinking of giving up blogging, but he’s changed his life, I thought he was a circuit guy and all that goes with it, but with his last few entries, he seems like a nice guy. Not to mention he has a thing for undies too, I need to email him. He lives in ATL as well. I’ve been reading a few others and maybe mine will catch on soon. I gotta write more in this thing.

As for shows, I’ve been watching but not writing, I taped (no Tivo yet) West Wing last night and survivor tonight. I did go undie shopping Tues night to do some retail therapy, got some great ones at Ross. A thong, bikini, brief and tight boxer brief, yeah I said it, I’m trying it.

Oh well, I’m out here in the north 40 talking to myself as usual!
Have a great one