We will Return to our Regularlly Scheduled Program After This Message

Ok for those of you who read me probably wonder where I’ve disappeared too. Well Thursday afternoon I got laid off out of the blue. I started to write an entry over the weekend, but I realized it was just mad and deleted it. It was good therapy. I found out I was not the only one “Laid Off” So I’m looking at this as a good move for me. I have plenty of money and a few part time job options so I’m in good shape. I sprained my knee again and that knocked me down for the weekend and I’m slowly getting back to myself, so the full time job hunt has been put on hold. I still plan to do what I want with my blog and hope to do it soon but school this week has exploded and I think I’m about to go crazy! But I hope you’ll stay tuned for some really cool things. And if you live in Atlanta and know of any job openings Email me!
Thanks

Ramblings, Whitney, Dating and some things to make you go Hmmmm

Hey there,

Well in a day I’ve gotten two comments, that doubles my previous comments. WHOO HOOO. I’m still trying to figure a few things out with the blog, I have a bunch of ideas, I just need the time to implement them. I’m trying to write something every day rather then go a week or so without posting. Plus it gets me in the habit of posting. Because I can be very lazy given the chance. No really I can! OMG, I am listening to the talk radio station here in ATL and just heard Whitney Houston is back in rehab. That’s the topic for a entire blog in itself. When will she learn? She had such an awesome career in the 80’s and early 90’s and in the last 10 years I’d say she let things go. I don’t want you to think I’m a Whitney basher, hell I’m listening to her greatest hits in the car right now, the dance mix CD, I love that thing. But come on now, dump the man and move on. She keeps saying how much she loves him, but love ain’t chemical dependant. Isn’t a shame when someone with so much talent just doesn’t do anything with it, heck I’d kill just to be able to carry a tune. I am probably the worst singer I know, and I am BAD, I’m talking American Idol reject bad. And then there is Mariah.. that’s too much to go into so I’ll leave that one alone.

Sorry for the tangent there, but what was I saying before I rudely interrupted myself…. Oh yeah the blog. I’m having fun doing this and I Hope y’all are enjoying it. I’m going to type about everything, dating, me, reality TV, West Wing, and everything. But we’ll start off by dating. I swear I’m going to come up with my own material, like Terminally Single, but I am a serial Dater. I heard one comedian, talk about how if Serial Killers are called that because they kill people, then they were a Serial Dater because after they go out there never is a second date. Well lately this has been my dating life, hell this has been it for the last 10 years I think LOL. I have many dating stories. And yes I’ll go over all them. But lately I go on one date and you think “Man that went great, I can’t wait to see (Insert Name of the week) again.” Then you get the “Oh we will have to do something soon (Implying when Satan is ice skating in hell), the I like you but not in that way, or the all time gay favorite, the ignore them and they will go away. I’m trying to dissect what I do in dating, I mean I’m not hideous. I’m hung like a horse (Just kidding or am I? HMMMM) But my biggest downfall is I’m so damn shy, which I seriously am working on. A lot of people I have known said at first they think I have attitude, but I don’t, I just get a feel for the situation before I really say anything. I actually gave up dating a few years back for a year because I went with the three strikes out rule. I had three dates in a two month period that got consistently worse and I figured before I got arrested on a date I’d give it a rest.

The first date, for the life of me I can’t remember what went wrong. I think I blocked it from my memory. For the life of me I can’t recall what happened. HMMM,

But the other two I will go into tomorrow… I know right now you’re cussing me for doing it, but I got carried away in doing more then I thought I would do. I was only going to do a paragraph or two, not a book. Well tune in tomorrow and hear about my dating life.

The Gas Station of Lov e

Well I have a saying, I forgot where I heard it, I wish I could take credit for it but here goes… At the Gas Station of Love, I’m just in the Self Service lane. No truer words have been spoken. You know, some of you out there may think I shouldn’t make light of some of this stuff, but you know I’ve reached the point if I don’t have fun with being single I’ll go crazy. And I’m a firm believer that if you can’t make fun of yourself who can you make fun of? Well today I have a presentation in my International Marketing class and we’re going to kick ass. I get to be the western capitalist and say Sweatshops or as I call them Lesser Developed Country Labor Force is good! I have a few big things planned for the next few weeks of postings. That is if I ever get a chance to sit down and do it and not do school stuff. I have a few sweeps weeks things planned and some sex sells type of stuff Have a good one!

A Conversation with a Friend

A conversation I had with a friend online. It pretty much sums up what I've been going through the last few weeks. I'll keep you all posted on whats going on.

Friend: I have indeed decided to run away from home
Friend: good bye
Me: ah, what’s going on? talk to me
Friend: LOL
Friend: just kidding
Stuff about work I Left out

Me: eh, it's change and I hate change
Friend: me too
Friend: LOL
Me: and a lot of changes in the personal life too so, I just feel lost, I’m at the point where I wish things would stay the way they were but the way they were isn't good for me
Friend: why isn't it good?
Me: just I sit at home, do nothing, be lazy and I want to get out and make friends and do things then sit a home depressed saying Poor me. So I did softball, and will do some more things and work out, after seeing my pics yesterday DAMN, I’ve let myself go way too much, I have to do something and get a better self image
Friend: that all starts from within...there is something that is causing that and you need to identify and deal that whatever that is then all will fall into place
Me: yeah I’m going with it and I just get frustrated and such every so often, I guess it's the whole change thing, I just hate change but it's a necessary thing, and after 2 weeks, I’m ok, but that two week adjustment period I'm grumpy LOL and I Like the way you call me out on things, you're a good friend for doing that
Friend: sometimes it is something we don't wish to see or are not prepared to deal with
Me: well I know what’s wrong and I have known for a long time I just did nothing about it
Friend: ah
Me: the whole thing with Wayne made me realize this, and prob the best thing that ever happened to me
Friend: how so?
Me: just I finally let myself open up to someone and be venerable again, I didn't hold things in and try to impress him with things or try to be someone I wasn't, I was me, the real me. I've been so scared for so many years that if people find out I’m gay they will reject me, and I’ve had the opposite experience, I have to let that go
Friend: if they have a problem with that that is their problem...it does not belong to you...You are Tim...you are a great guy and if they can't see that so be it...we all click with different people so we will not always get along with everyone...just let it be and move on until you find the ones you belong with
Friend: you have to learn how to not accept other people's issues...
Me: I know I know, but for so long I have tired to please everyone, which the only person not getting pleased is me, I know but its' just working through it and taking the steps to get it done. I’m being honest with everyone I know now
Friend: :-D
Friend: well I need to get to school...be good...have a great day!
Me: you too and if you run away take me with ya

ARGH I need to Vent

OK, I’m posting another entry because I just because I can. Well, I want to work out and get in shape. After seeing those pics yesterday it just pisses me off. You know and it’s my own fault. For so many years I could eat anything and do what I wanted and stay in shape, for me it was thin. But not any more the older you get the more the metabolism slows down and you have to work harder keeping things in shape. Well my biggest problem is I have no clue what to do to work out. I have never worked out before and exercises to build muscle and how much weight to lift is another great mystery. I would love a work out partner but it seems unlikely right now. I need to find someone who is at GSU and can go the times I don’t have class or work. I would also love a swim partner. I want to learn butterfly better and how to do flip turns. My biggest stumbling block is not the motivation to work out but the knowledge to work out. The last time I worked out I did it regularly but had no clue what I was doing and saw no results. Anyone out there in the same boat? Or can help me out or recommend a good book on weight training for idiots or something? I’m just frustrated right now because I’m in the middle of making changes and now the “Its easier to leave things the way they are” sets in. I have to push through that and go on. I am going to do it and do things to change my life, I’m just sick of things and frustrated today. I am just like most American’s I want instant results but it doesn’t work that way. ARGH, I mean I’m burned out on school, my job has taken some major shits and I’m not sure where that’s going (I don’t talk about work here much and when I do I’ll be vague because I need to keep my job), and personal life I need more friends. I’m just tired of things and I’m where I cam because I let myself get content on just sitting on my butt. One thing I really want to change is being shy, I hate it, I am pretty fun and when you get to know me I’m the life of the party most of the times but when I’m around a group of new people I’m quiet and it takes me a while to come out my shell. I think I just need a hug today. Thanks for letting me vent.

My Weekend and Plans to Come

Ok, another weekend down and back to the routine grind. Well this weekend was full of physical activities, hey get your mind out of the gutter, there’s only room in there for mine! I had my swim work out and my softball practice Saturday. Followed by two games on Sunday. We did pretty good out there. I didn’t play the first game but played the second game. And yes I actually hit the ball. The first time up to bat, I hit the first pitch, and popped it up and the pitcher caught it, Darn it, second one was a grounder and was thrown out at first, the third time was barely a hit and I got to first, although the person on third got out, but I managed to score a run on that one. Was fun I need to get in better shape running. I also need to work on my social skills, I’m still a little shy around some of the team makes but I’m working on it. Yeah I’m shy, believe it or not. ON here I’m my usual self, but in a group of people I don’t know I calm up and I need to change that, but it don’t come over night.

I have a few things planned for this blog, and I’m instituting sweeps weeks though out the year. Yeah I’ll have some good things planned and I think you all will enjoy. But I have a ton of school work and such to do over the next few weeks, and I have really decided to start working out/exercising after seeing my pics taken this weekend.

I’ll keep you posted on softball, and my life in general and my advice and topics on dating and what ever else I feel like rambling about that day. Have great week!

Your Dating Guru

Honesty.... Is that So Much?

Well a few things have happened lately that make me think over the concept of honesty in a relationship. Especially one where you’re just beginning to see someone. This came about by a friend who’s having problems with his bf, but that just inspired me, there are a few more people I know in the same boat.

Here’s my philosophy about being honest in dating. I say tell it all right up front, well with in the first few weeks, I’m not talking sit down and tell everything in a day, they’d go screaming towards the hills. But just say here is me, good, bad, ugly. I say if you do it all in the beginning then the rest is no easier.

Here is what basically it boils down to. You see a guy and he goes and hangs out with his friend or friends and you ask him did he have sex with him or one of them. And they answer no, then a few weeks or months down the line you find out they did. Why lie about it, Maybe I’m naïve but I’ve been friends with guys I’ve had sex with after the sex ended. I think others can too, but why lie about it? To me it’s not the point that I maybe worried you’re going to have sex with him, but if you liked about something like this, then what else will you lie about. I will put the whole relationship in question.

This same thing happened tome a while back but I was the one who slept with someone I was going to hang out with. He lives in Bham and I had a three way with him and his ex, I know I know trashy, but it was in my wild days. He and his ex broke up after (Yeah you know they broke up since called him an ex), he got with a new guy and moved to back to Bham. He invited me to come and learn to ride horses better. So the person I was seeing I say, Joe found me online and invited me over for the weekend to ride, and btw..um. I did a three way with him and his ex.” So I put that out there and if he had problems with it I wanted to know. Luckily he didn’t and It was ok to go but, I haven’t been yet and if you’re reading this I’m calling you tonight to set something up.

When I date someone I just want to be honest and tell them str8 up what’s going on. Because if you break up with me or we stop seeing each other it’s not going to be I wasn’t honest. I think that’s another good reason to do it up front. If you tell them and they have problems with stuff you’ve told them, it gives them a way out because different people have different “Deal Breakers.” It’s better to find those out up front then 2 or 3 years down the road.

I’m curious how you guys feel about this. I don’t mind at all people disagreeing with me. I want to hear what you think. Post comments and let me know what up!

Coming SOON!

I have a few posts in the works but I haven't had time to sit down and fully write them out. I have a presentation and not one but two papers due in my International marketing class next week, and a test tonight in my advertising class. Then to top it off I have swim practice, softball practice and two softball games this weekend. Where doest the time go? I have also been an attention whore this week trying to get the word of my blog out there. I"ve talked to a few of my favorite Bloggers via AIM and email. They have all been pretty nice. I hope those of you reading this, yeah I have had actual readers, or so my counter says, I hope you enjoy the blog so far, keep checking back for more and more! Have a great week!

100 or More Things About Me

1. Born in Columbia SC on November 25, 1970
2. Moved to the Atlanta area when I was 5
3. my first 45 (yes record) was Sister Sledge “We are Family”
4. Played saxophone in band
5. was a member of the science club
6. was French club president
7. My First job was at Toys R Us
8. I was not valedictorian of my class
9. feel in love with DC on a Close Up Trip in HS
10. Started Georgia State in 1988
11. Declared Political Science as my Major
12. Got my First bf Chris in 1990
13. Changed My major to Film
14. Changed My major back to Political Science
15. Became Yearbook editor
16. Got my Second BF David 1994
17. My year book got cancelled
18. Dropped out of School
19. David and I broke up July 4, 1996
20. Started back at GSU in 1999
21. Marketing is my major
22. Changed my major to CIS
23. Changed it again to A double major, CIS and Marketing
24. Finally changed it back to Marketing and it has stayed
25. I sing like an American Idol reject
26. I only sing in my car
27. My only vices are cigars and chocolate
28. I love movies
29. I hate full screen DVDs
30. I can not stand coconut
31. I don’t miss an episode of Survivor or West Wing
32. I have more CD’s then most record stores
33. I have one brother
34. No nieces or nephews, that I know of
35. I have only been to Canada
36. Planning to go to Australia as a graduation present to myself
37. My birthday is more important then Christmas to me
38. I have no pets
39. I Drive a Buick Century (Hey no grandpa jokes)
40. I wanted to be a graphic designer
41. Growing up I wanted to be a Vet
42. I’m a big kid at heart
43. My only addiction is caffeine
44. I have gout
45. first attack in 1997, the day Versace was killed
46. Diagnosed in 2000
47. It is the most painful thing I’ve ever had
48. It affect my right foot and left wrist
49. Best CD bargain: Billy Ocean Greatest Hits, Columbia House $.99
50. Most expensive CD bought Pet Shop Boys Pop Art Limited Edition $49
51. I own the complete “Buck Rogers and the 25th Century” DVD
52. Futurama is my favorite Adult Cartoon
53. Buggs is my favorite Cartoon Character
54. Most Famous person I’ve met – Elton John
55. He came in the record store I worked in
56. Most friendly famous person I ever met RuPaul
57. Favorite Actors: Donald Sutherland,
58. Favorite Actresses: Stockard Channing
59. The Oscars are the only award show I watch
60. My hair has a mind of it’s own
61. I need blogging for idiots
62. I will only own a MAC at home
63. I have an underwear/Speedo/sports gear fetish
64. I have been online since 1994
65. I have a full braves away grey uniform (thanks eBay)
66. My favorite show of all time if Mary Tyler Moore
67. I’ve officiated at a Rodeo (Timing)
68. I’ve Officiated at a swim meet (Timing)
69. I’ve been on the board of a Rodeo Association
70. I was member of a masters swim team.
71. My estimated graduation date is May 2006
72. Vacuuming is the house hold chore I hate the most
73. I go out occasionally
74. I go to Pride, when I feel like it
75. I have a depth perception problem
76. I own two animation production cells (One Animaniacs and One from Tiny Toons)
77. My nick name used to be Dizzy Devil, for obvious reasons
78. Lately my nick name was Evil, for obvious reasons
79. I want to try stand up comedy
80. Strip clubs are GOOD (Male ones that is)
81. I have only been to one sex club (Only one visit ever)
82. I didn’t like it and didn’t do anything
83. I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket and that was in May 2004
84. I love the Atlanta Braves
85. I hate pro basketball
86. My favorite food is Italian
87. I came out to my family at 18
88. Only because my mom found my stash of porn under the bed (all gay porn of course)
89. The only bf my family has met was David
90. I’m a Sagittarius
91. And yes I’m brutally honest
92. I hate to multitasking
93. Business catch phrases drive me up a wall
94. Celebrity endorsements don’t work for me.
95. I’ve worked the polls before (voting polls get your mind out of the gutter)
96. My TV hero is Murphy Brown
97. I started doing the cowboy thing in 1999
98. I am monogamous in relationships
99. I’m a night person but with my job I get up at 5 AM every day
100. I’m a whimp when it comes to working out but a necessary evil
101. In 1994 I weight 170 and 32 w
102. Today I weigh 250 and 36w (depending on the day)
103. I wear a ring on my left hand and no I’m not married
104. I am shy
105. Really I am
106. I don’t open up to people
107. But I’m working on it
108. You couldn’t tell it by this blog
109. Brand loyal to coke
110. only reason to get a pepsi is free iTunes songs
111. I’ve had more sex then just about anyone I know
112. but I have slowed down
113. I haven’t topped since Aug 2001
114. I haven’t btm’ed in got knows when at least 1998 prob longer
115. I shop for new undies monthly whether I need them or not
116. I got hooked on undies at in my early teens
117. I own a paddle
118. Yes I know how to use it
119. I Love disco music
120. I HATE the Bee Gees
121. That was disco’s dark days and I don’t talk about it
122. I listen to every kind of music
123. Some people I know call it Music Attention Deficit Disorder (MADD)
124. MY current CD has Shania, Elton John, The Eagles, Diana DeGarmo, Pet Shop Boys.
125. I have a tendency to run on and on, THE END?

Why the Change and I"m getting some Culture

Ok, do you notice a change? Well I renamed my blog to Terminally Single. It’s so me lately. I’ve been single since July 4, 1996, for those of you counting, that’s almost 9 years. Yeah some of the time It was me, keeping me back but now I’m busting loose and going to start dating again. Why the change you ask? Well I came up with the term a while back if you’ve read my blog as a sarcastic way to deal with being single. One of my current dates, who will remain nameless, wondered if I was ready for a relationship, I assure you I am but I guess I’m just damn picky. Read the dating philosophy and I’m going to put rules up for dating. Should be fun, I’m self proclaiming myself a dating guru, and will take the necessary steps to get up to speed.

Culture! Right now yogurt has more culture then I do (it’s a joke do you get it?, hmm). And in my never ending quest to find new friends and branch out I have come up with a great idea, if I do say so myself. Culture Day. Meaning go out and do something like Martini’s & IMAX, High Museum, Art gallery shows, Alliance Theater or something like that, and another thing for the life of me I can’t think of right now. I think It would be great, I’m sending an email to all my friends and to ask their friends to go. Heck if you’re reading this and you think, damn that’s a good idea, email me! I’ll include you on details. Also I’m open to new ideas, even road trips are welcome too.

BTW, I don’t recall if I said I joined a softball team, but It went well other then the wack in the face by the ball. But hey I’ll be remembered! I think some people would have left the field and never come back but not me, you gotta take your embarasement and turn it around. I have taken myself too seriously for WAY too long, it’s time to be that wacky out there person I am. I tried the grown up thing and being too serious ain’t me. And I’m going to do stand up, I’ve put that off for way too long, going to find out about this class this week!

Well, Have a great week I’ll write more this week.

I RECLAIM MY LIFE!

Ok, well you’ve read my postings and now it’s time for the verdict. Wayne, or W as I called him, told me last night that when we meet that he didn’t’ feel the chemistry. When we finally met after talking 2 years and tons of phone calls. Which I knew, but it was good to hear it from him. He’s a great guy and we will be friends. He is one of the sweetest guys I’ve met in a long time. He will make someone very happy.

So I decided, that I need to get my ass out and do stuff and meet people so I joined the gay softball team here in ATL. Which I had my first practice today and I have fun, all except a ball to the face, knocked me down <>G but oh well. I look forward to playing. I am not that good but they say it’s all for fun.

I decided I have to make more friends and I’m going to do a lot more and be a lot more open with people. It’s hard for me to change after so many years but it’s kind of liberating at time. I just keep getting hung up that me and Wayne shared a lot of the same philosophies and ideals of dating and life but there are more guys out there. So if you’re interested get out and meet me out somewhere. I just wanted to keep you updated, well who ever reads this LOL, updated.

My Dating Philoosphy

My dating philosophy spelled out

1. Your partner should be one of your best friends, not your only best friend but one of them
2. I date one person at a time and only them, I don’t do open relationships, so monogamy is the word of the day
3. each of us should have our own group of friends. I never will ask a man to give up his friends for me. It’s not right or fair, I don’t want a man who’s entire life revolves around me. We have to be whole separate to be whole together.
4. each of us should have interests outside of the relationship. Again see above, I hate it when you do things you hate for your partner and keep doing it, I will try what ever my partner wants but if I don’t like it I will tell him, not snarky, but just sweetie I don’t like that, and if he wants to keep doing it I won’t stand in his way.
5. each should have time alone to spend with friends and on interests that the other doesn’t share. This just reflects the top two, it’s good to spend time apart, it makes time together so much better
6. There should be a balance between friends/interests and outside of each other. Like above, you have to balance time apart with time together, too much time apart is to me just as bad as too much time together.
7. If I know something before the relationship begins I’m will not criticize you or nag that the thing gets in the way (ex, knowing you travel for work and are gone 4 days a week, especially if your job make you very happy and is important to you, I respect that and won’t complain)
8. Communication is the key, I want to be able to tell my partner anything. I think my partner could tell me anything too, honest is the best, tell me before hand, even if you’re thinking of cheating, or anything I won’t get mad, well too mad, but you cant work on what you don’t acknowledge
9. Relationships are work, it doesn’t just happen. My relationship with David thought me this, I thought when you’re not arguing it should be wonderful. It’s not it usually just normal, and when things go bad you have to dig in your heels and fight for a relationship rather then just let it go
10. Sex isn’t everything but it’s something. I’m a firm believer you get freaky with your bf, and do things you wouldn’t do with a trick. I think you should constantly spice things up in the bedroom and always try new things and be open to your partners suggestions as well. We all have things that we just will never do in bed, and those should be respected but outside that it’s an open field.

This is how I feel about dating. I haven’t dated much and this may all be a pipe dream, especially the monogamy part. But this is what I want, I don’t think it’s very demanding, I think actually it’s very liberal for dating, too many gay couples I know have to spend every waking hour together and that would drive me nuts. And too many couples are in for just the good, so when something goes bad they bail, well I’m going to fight for my man and try to solve the problem. In dating when my partner has a problem I’m always like “How can we fix this” not how can YOU fix it. But to be honest I’m beginning to wonder about dating, I know plenty of people that get out of a relationship and right back in another, I just don’t open up that fast. Hell it takes me a while to get over it and move on. I’m working on opening up and being 100% honest and not hold anything back, but it’s hard to do when you have played it close to your vest for so long. Its hard but its something I have to do. Is there anyone out there who feels this way? Email me or Leave a comment

Friends Where are they? And get to know me some

Ok, another day a new beginning they say, and if I ever find “them” I’m going to bet the hell out of them. But I’m not going to worry about things with W. I mean, when you put your heart on the line you risk the chance to get it broken. I for once wasn’t a blithering idiot and didn’t freak out. I was myself for once and well that’s all you can ask for when you date. Yeah I know I’m still learning I think dating sucks but it’s a necessary evil.

I was sitting at home last night and having a pity party for myself and how I wished things would be better with W, and how I wish I had more friends and I realized, you know I can blame everyone out there but when you really get down to it it’s my fault for a lot of what’s happened. I’ve never been an open person, and the blog is a good way to really put things out there that I don’t have the balls to just come right out and say, I guess you can be anonymous to some degree. But, I sit at home, get on AOL and what do I do? Nothing, in the past I have met some really good people off AOL but lately it’s just one big trick line, I was going to try Gay.com but that’s even worse, every time I get on to chat it’s 100% sex, which don’t get me wrong, but sex isn’t what I’m after right now. In my 20’s I had my share of sex, more then most people have in alife time and I did it for stupid reasons. But it’s done and I was a slut, there I said it. But now that I’m in my 30’s I realized times I wasted friendship possibilities, used people and just was a typical young gay man. And if anyone out there is reading this and I dicked you over back then I apologize. You learn with age. But I’m in the market for new friends. Which is hard to find, I don’t know if it’s just Atlanta or gay world in general, but why can’t gay guys be friends without having sex? I think it’s possible and my 4 good friends, Mike and Todd, Joe and Brent and I have never had sex. I also realized I have more friends then I thought too, my friends in Athens Will and Robert, two really great guys and I ran into David in Birmingham (who’s going to teach me to ride horses, um real ones, get your mind out of the gutter) and My ex David. Who for the longest time I had bad feelings for but now we have patched things up, and lastly is my first ex Chris, who our paths keep crossing so I think that tells us we’re meant to be friends.

What am I looking for in friends? Well, just every day normal laid back guys. I’m not a big bar person, I never have been. I would love friends into working out and athletic activities, I want to get in shape, first off for totally vain reasons but secondly we have a history of diabetes and other health problems in my family so I think it’s better to get started now rather then wait and pay for consequences later. I also would like friends who camp or something. Basically ones you can get together, cook dinner, drink hang out and talk about everything, where no part of your life is off limits and there are no judgments. One of the best things I ever did was a version of Truth and Dare but with out the dares. You ask a question and you go around and everyone answers it. It can be just a regular question, sex, or anything. That was fun I would love to have friends that are open to things like that. But like I said I am my biggest block to new friends. I hold back and don’t’ tell a lot about me, and I’m trying to change and I have changed a lot, I just feel if I open up most people will think I’m a freak and such because I’ve never had that truly best friend, the one you tell everything too. I knew I was gay at an early age and I’ve let that hold me back a lot, I was always like “if they find out I’m gay they will reject me or hate me” which we all know is total crap. I’m not saying that won’t happen but a lot more people are open gays then ever before. I have to stop making excuses and I am trying to do that, so don’t get this as a pity party for me it’s not, I’m just explaining why I do things.

I want to get out and make friends but the question is where do you go? I think I may join a softball team or something. I like to swim but I’m not sure about the team here. I just have to break out the southern voice and see what activities are out there. And I have to be myself and not what I think people want me to be. I just sit at home and do nothing. And unless there is a gay door to door salesman coming around I won’t meet anyone sitting there, and on AOL. A few of my friends are leaving AOL and I don’t think I’m going to do that just yet, I have friends on there and it’s cheaper then long distance, and yeah I still have hope I’ll meet some guys off it, a pipe dream or what?

Well if you’re in Atlanta and looking for a new friend, Send me an email or IM. I’m at timothymgol@earthlink.net or gatallcowboy@earthlink.net. IM’s are AIM: GATallCowboy and Yahoo GATallCowboy.

By the way I’m promoting my blog finally, I posed it on a site and we’ll see maybe someone will read this finally! Man what I wouldn’t do for a comment, heck a few comments.

Have a good one, but this is hopefully a new beginning for me!

Life, Love and Relationships

Ok, I know I haven’t written in a while, not that many folks read this, or do any? Hmm I don’t know but I’ve had a crappy week. Arguments with family and the whole rethinking the living situation and an ambiguous date. This week is my spring break and it’s supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable but it’s been anything but… But I’m thinking of moving in with my friends J & B, I think it’s time to make the change, we just gotta figure out money, which I don’t have a lot of.

If any of you know me you know I was very excited with my date with W, no not the president. Well he came to town and it was weird, have you ever had one of those dates where you don’t know how it went. It had moments of being good and others of being bad? That was my date. Things did turn up, we took a pic together, he invited me to visit him, and he called me cowboy when I left, so those are all good things. I hopefully will see him online today and talk. I sent him an email and the pic of us together. I”ll keep you posted on it…

Moving on, but this whole experience with W has made me realize that I’ve been holding myself back for so long about dating. I’m not the kind of person who has to date someone to be happy, In the words of Whitney Houston, who should follow the advice of her own song “I’d rather be a lone then unhappy.” I have known many gay couples who are just not happy together, and they just stay I don’t get it, even with a house and stuff together I’d rather sell the house and be a good whole person rather then a fragmented one. I’m not the typical gay guy on relationships, which brings me to the reason for this blog entry, my philosophy on dating.

Well, I think too many guys go into dating with their little heads rather then the big head. Most guys I know go straight for the physical rather then the mental. I’m much more a mental person, I like a guy I can talk to and if he can make me laugh as is a quick witted as I am, he’s so in. I’m a big kid at heart and since I’m 34 I don’t think that will be changing so I’d need a guy who finds that attractive. But back to my philosophy. I think your boyfriend should be one of your best friends. Not your only best friend but one of them. I think you should base the relationship on a strong solid friendship that will grow over time. This also includes the dreaded M word in the gay world. MONOGOMY. I just don’t get the whole open relationship thing, I’m not knocking it to guys who do it and it works but I don’t want it. I’m selfish with my man and don’t’ like to share him. And the main reason its good is there is too much stuff going around, HIV, STD’s and the like and more and more resistant ones are being found, so I just want one to not worry about getting anything from. But moving on, I also like a man who’s not codependent, there is nothing I can stand less then a guy who can’t be on his own. I like an independent man, one where we can both have out own lives and interests and do them away from each other but also share our lives. I’ve never been a jealous guy, I like for my guy to have a life and friends outside of me, and I think it’s good to spend time apart, because not matter how much alike you are there are always things you like to do that your partner will hate and why should you give them up completely once you date? I mean you won’t do them all the time but you should be able to do them from time to time. For example if you like hiking or camping you should be able to go. Also there are things you do with your friends you may not like or your bf may have friends you don’t like, I’ve never told anyone who they could be friends with and if there are no issues, such as trust, lies being told or being bitchy, I won’t mind who he’s friends with. And they should spend time together.

I hope this makes sense, I’m going on little sleep and prob not making sense. But oh well. I’ve been reading other blogs and one guy who has impressed me is Boy Briefs. He’s one of a few people thinking of giving up blogging, but he’s changed his life, I thought he was a circuit guy and all that goes with it, but with his last few entries, he seems like a nice guy. Not to mention he has a thing for undies too, I need to email him. He lives in ATL as well. I’ve been reading a few others and maybe mine will catch on soon. I gotta write more in this thing.

As for shows, I’ve been watching but not writing, I taped (no Tivo yet) West Wing last night and survivor tonight. I did go undie shopping Tues night to do some retail therapy, got some great ones at Ross. A thong, bikini, brief and tight boxer brief, yeah I said it, I’m trying it.

Oh well, I’m out here in the north 40 talking to myself as usual!
Have a great one