Breaking up…. What’s the best way to get on after it’s happened.

I have two really good friends who just broke. And I must say I was not surprised, I was more surprised it took so long. But I won’t go into details about it, just not fair to either of them and it’s so far been a civil break up for someone who’s been together for over 3 years. Which is a good thing. But it got me thinking. This situation is very much like the one I had with my ex. What do you do when one partner is over the whole relationship and the other will do anything to save it?

I’ve been on both ends of this but the longest relationship I had was over 2 years, and I was the one who wanted to save it. Looking back now, you see things so clearly, hindsight is 20/20. What happened was for the best, but when I was in the situation it was not. Its my feeling that if you’re the party who is over the relationship and you have tired to fix what was wrong and it can’t be fixed or the other person is unwilling to fix it, ti’s time to end it and move on. A lot of people say, “well what about the other partner? Their feelings are going to get hurt” Yeah that’s very true, and it’s better to do it sooner then later. I think if you do it later, and you’re the one over the whole situation then you will only get worse as time goes by and resent your partner for having to stay there. It’s never easy ending a relationship (for most of us) that has gone on for many years but sometimes it’s for the best.

As for the one who wants to save the relationship. I made my ex promise me at the beginning if there were problems let me know, or if he ever wanted out tell me right then and not leave me hanging on. Well this didn’t’ happen. About a year before we broke up, it was my birthday party and he didn’t want to come and was over it, looking back now, this was the beginning of the end. He came to the party because my grandmother died that day and he was there for moral support. But things went down hill from there. We constantly fought, and life just became crappy. Then we had a talk and determined we should separate for a while. This really took me by surprise but you can’t make someone love you and if things progress so far with out anything being said or done to fix them, sometimes it’s just too late to change it. That’s what happened to me and my ex. He let things build up so much and kept things in so long that when they did come out he spend all his emotional energy already and to him it wasn’t worth saving. And I understand that, I hated him for many months but I realize that our relationship never had good communication and we never really talked. I don’t think we were good friends even. It was all about sex at times. Then after about a month or more of separation, he decided to end it and tell me on July 4th, I know quite ironic in a way. But before that I realized that things sucked between us and things would not change and I was actually thinking about doing the breaking up. But didn’t, now in his defense, he did it on the phone, which was not the way he wanted to do it, but you know when someone tells you they want to talk and you just instinctively know that it’s bad, that’s what it was that night. We have since made up and talk occasionally but I wouldn’t consider us friends, we are just too different I think. Do I still love him, no, I don’t, and I really don’t remember why I did, I know that’s sad to say but that relationship taught me a lot and I’m very glad I had it. The next one will be much better.

After we broke up I was convinced we would be together again, and we were meant for each other. Well I was one step away from a stalker I tell ya, but that never happened. For the first month or so I was devastated, Right when it happened, I was like I can’t date again, I don’t know what’s it’s like, it sucks dating, and all that. But it’s one of the best things that happened to me. Yeah in the beginning it sucked but every day it got better, and all things heal in time. Yeah I gave up dating for a while to find myself and I think I have, I think anyone who dates me now will have a much better friend and partner because of it. I have found out what’s important and what’s not. So break up’s are not a bad thing at all. Even though they seem your world is falling apart. I think it was really hard on me because I really had no friends at the time of the break up. If you have no friend you can’t possibly make it sane through it, there were times I thought I was going crazy, you need a friend to say, we need to get you out of the house and get your mind off things. Which I’m trying to do to my friends, both of them, which is something different, you’re friends to both but you’re in the middle. I just have to pay attention to what you say and keep word to both parties.

Just something that goes along with being terminally single!