Reflections and Lessons Learned

Ok, first off, if you’re following at home, I know I’m behind on blog entries but you’ll just have to deal while I get adjusted to my new job, and also finishing school, I’m under the gun. But after May 7th I can write more. Well that’s the plan…

This is an entry I’ve wanted to do for a week, but I never wrote it down I’ve had it in my head and have worked on it but here goes. So we know I’m back to being single and that’s not a bad thing, I think everything has positives, and that’s what I’m doing. Although I will say that dating Thomas was good for me because for the longest time there was no one I remotely fell for and I did him, yes I honestly loved him with all my heart, and I still do today but I’m not in love with him as in dating. I thought for the longest time that I’d be alone and yes I secretly thought that. But I feel like my world has been opened up.

The lessons I learned:

• First, I need more friends, but hell if you’ve read my blog you know that already. I mentioned that a year ago, and I’ve made strides to do that this year and with no school (after may) and working a steady job I’ll be able to do that. I plan to move into town too so that will aid it as well.

• Secondly, to go along with that I need to spend more time with my friends, and before some of you get on the band wagon about a man taking more time, well first I didn’t have a lot of friends and Thomas never stopped me from spending time with my friends I had. One of the things I respect about him is he spent time with his friends and made a point to do it, I have to do that better the next time. But hey at least I recognize it.

• Next, I was more outgoing in this relationship but I more majorly assertive. I didn’t do bad in this relationship, things that mattered to me I said so, but I think all in all I did well in this category, I know I could do better but it wasn’t like I was like “anything you want honey” I learned how to make my wished and needs heard. I just need to keep it up.

• Lastly, I learned I have a lot to offer someone, I know this sounds stupid but for the longest time I wondered what I had to offer someone. With Thomas I found that out. I found out I’m very caring, and supportive and I try to compliment my partner in ways that make the relationship and ourselves better, I know that sounds like crap but I have value damn it!

I think I learned more but I’m tired and can’t remember what I learned, so more will follow.

Reflections

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or
Life is yours to miss
No other road
no other way
No day but today

Ok, If you know the lyric you score points. It’s from Rent the Movie. Which I am hooked on, It’s on the iPod and I listen to it all the time. This past weekend, Easter weekend I was home alone. Well, I got me some frozen pizza and Lean cuisine Paninis. I know I spelled that wrong, but the pizzas reminded me of being in bed with Thomas at nights watching tv and eating pizza. Which was so awesome, I want that again, and I know I’ll have that. There is one thing that Thomas did, that I don’t think he knows he did, hell I didn’t realize it till this week. He gave my life back. He showed me a world that I had forgotten about and now that I realize it is still out there, I had fallen into a rut for years and really found no way out of it. There was school, dead end jobs and home. . Thomas showed me a lot that I didn’t realize. I have been motivated to find a place to move out and begin my life. He introduced me to the world of Broadway and I love it, and one of the new great loves NYC.

Ok this is only the second blog entry ever I let someone read before I posted it. It maybe the third but very few. I let Thomas read this before I posted and he gave me some grammar changes and such, because one paragraph didn’t make sense. With that mentioned, I thought of a good analogy for the paragraph above. It’s like I was in a hole for a long time and you hear things out side that make a lot of noise and are scary, and you stay in the hole, you’re not going out there. But one day someone shows you what’s going on outside your world and you see that the people out there weren’t scary, hell they are having a party and you’ve been missing out. That’s what its like to hell with the way I was living I want to go out and have fun a not be stuck in the hole any more. OK no comments from the peanut gallery.

I think the trip to NYC was the turning point, I saw how NYC was and I was blown away. I can’t fully explain it but had I not dated him, I know I’d be right back where I was, it’s been great the last few weeks that I have been so motivated. I think this was all possible because he always saw something in me, even when I didn’t. He believed in me and my abilities. Which I haven’t had much in my life.

Here’s a short list of things that Thomas got me into

• Broadway
• Dad’s Garage
• NYC
• Stargate (both shows)
• Tripping the Rift
• Mary’s
• East Atlanta – the area I want to live in.
• Just to name a few there are much more things I learned in four short months.

But I am glad I still have him in my life and that he’s still a great friend. It’s funny because he still reads the blog and I’m glad he does. I have a great feeling we’ll be great friends if not best friends for a lifetime.